


The Secret to a Good Lie

by 221blackandwhitestripes



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Canon-Typical Violence, Complete, Crimes & Criminals, Deception, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Episode: s03e11 Beware the Green-Eyed Monster, Fake Love, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Hallucinations, Happy Ending, Lies, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Praise Kink, Realization, Revenge, Smut, lying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2020-12-21 01:31:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21066563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/221blackandwhitestripes/pseuds/221blackandwhitestripes
Summary: “Is there anything you want? Anything at all? Because – I swear – it's yours.”Your severed head would be just great.“You,” He said instead, swallowing hard as he leaned closer to the Mayor. “All I want is you.”Oswald has taken away everything Ed has, everything heloves. It’s about time he learns how it feels. And if that means Ed has to play the part, well, so be it.Too bad his other half seems to have other plans.





	1. Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have With Her Clothes On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ḑ̵̧̧̡̤̪̬̠̜̩̼͚̯̹̖͚̫͍͎̱̟͖̜̲̤̺̣̫͖̿̋̈́̆́̏̈́̒̑̽̈̏̑̍̿͛͋͘o̶̧̡̡̨̥̝̹̤̠̼̝̘̤͇̩͈̬̜͔̳̣͇̭̺͎̭͓̾̾͋͗̈́̀̉̆ņ̴̢̞̰̘̳̻͉͈͉̭̜̩͇̮͙̳̠̬̗̰̙̞̱̍̿̐̀̂̓́̎̾͛̍̿̔̅̚̚͜͝͝͝ͅ'̷̡̧̧̧̢̢̝̯͕̖̹̱͚̩͉͈̪͍̰̤̯̌̏̔̍́͐̎͐̀̏͒̍̈́̓͐̐̚͜͜t̸̢̲̳͉̝͍̰̫̫̼̺̱̝̮͚͙̞̹̪̜̊̒̐

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The start of something new! Thank you to my friend Fox for all your help

“I don't want to kill him.” Ed shook his head, words spat like gravel from his mouth. Barbara smiled and he met her eye fiercely. “I want to destroy him.” Ed stepped forward. “I want to take away everything he loves. I want to make him know how it _feels_.”

“And how, exactly, do you plan on doing that?” She asked, raising an eyebrow. Jewels sparkled around her neck and she stroked them with one long painted finger.

“Well, Miss Kean,” Ed pictured Oswald’s face in front of him, how he must have cackled and howled as he sent dear Isabella to her death, how his betrayal had given him everything and left Ed with nothing. “I'm going to give him everything he wants. And then I'm going to take it away.” Ed scowled, closing his hands into fists. “I want to see his face crumble when he finds out just how bad it hurts.”

“But what does he want?” asked Tabatha. Stupid girl. She should have realized by now. Ed has seen it soon enough, once Barbara had shown him the truth.

“Something I happen to be in supply of.” Ed grinned. “Me.”

?¿?¿?

Ed’s plan gathered in his mind as clouds before a storm. Ideas clustered together until they’d formed a solid brick pathway for him to follow. The Emerald City at the end of his yellow brick road? Killing Oswald Cobblepot once and for all.

But that was only the end product. As Ed said, he wouldn't let Oswald off that easy. Not yet.

In order for Oswald to truly understand Ed’s pain, he had to experience true joy before he could feel real pain.

Ed had known true joy with the woman he loved been it was ripped away from him. 

Oswald ought to feel the same thing.

?¿?¿?

“Ed?” Ed stood outside Oswald’s office door, a forced smile stuck on his face with crazy glue. “Oh, thank goodness you’re here. I was beginning to get worried.” Penguin laughed nervously, gesturing for Ed to enter his office. Ed nodded and closed the door behind him. He was beginning to _worry _about him. Ed shook his head minutely at himself, incredulous at how he hadn’t suspected Oswald’s attraction before now. It practically stuck out farther than the nose on his face. 

This was going to be so easy, Oswald was practically baring his throat and asking for a bite. Ed grinned.

“Hello, Mr Mayor,” he greeted, straightening his spine. It was a respectful salute to the outward eye, but it made Ed feel superior, the ability to look down on Oswald and see him for what he truly was.

“Oswald, please.” Oswald corrected him. Ed’s grin curled into a smirk. Now that he knew, it seemed like everything about him screamed out his attraction. Ed revelled in it. It wasn’t like before, with Isabella, or Kristen. That had been so filled with uncertainty, Ed hadn’t been able to enjoy the parts where she looked at him the way that Oswald looked at him now. How great it felt to be admired.

“Oswald,” Ed said the name lowly, standing just close enough to see Oswald’s pupils dilating a tiny bit. Interesting. Ed saved that tidbit for later. Now how to broach the subject? Ed looked around the room, searching for a little inspiration. Nothing. 

“Is there something I can do for you?” Oswald asked politely.

“Yes,” Ed replied. This was proving much harder than he’d thought it to be. It wasn’t that he was unwilling – he was actually thrilled at the idea – no, it was something deeper, a niggling worm of hesitancy born from the notion that… What? That Oswald would say no? Ridiculous. Ed had nothing to fear except fear itself.

“Could you give me a hint at what it is? Or is this another one of you riddles?” Oswald sighed. 

“Um…” Ed racked his brain quickly. “Do you recall the conversation we had yesterday?” Ed's eyes tracked the flush that quickly spread across Oswald's cheeks, deep pink contrasting against the freckles dotted there. Oh yes, Oswald definitely remembered.

“What about it?” Oswald asked, clearing his throat.

“I can bring tears to your eyes and resurrect the dead. I form in an instant and last a lifetime. What am I?” 

“A memory,” Oswald replied readily. “You've told me that one before.”

“Yes,” Edward purred, pleased that Oswald remembered. “And, despite our discussion yesterday, I never wish to forget,” Ed took a calculated step forward, “The memory,” another step, “Of you telling me,” another step, breaching Oswald's personal space, “that one cannot deny,” A final step closer and they were pressed together, chests brushing with the force of Oswald's erratic breaths. Ed smiled, leaning in to brush his lips against the shell of Oswald's ear as he whispered, “Love.”

Oswald gave a full-body shiver and Edward was lit up inside._ He_ had done that. And he planned on doing it again.

“D-Do… do you mean to say that –that you and me –that you… love me?” Oswald finally got the sentence out, scrutinizing him with wide, questioning eyes.

“Exactly,” Ed rumbled. He smiled at the elated expression on Penguin's face and took the opportunity to lean in, press their lips together, and_ kiss._

It was like running across the room and jumping into a pile of pillows, so _soft _as he sunk in, yet Ed's heart pounded with excitement.

Keeping his lips locked with Oswald's, Ed raised a hand and slipped the glasses from his face and chucked them towards Oswald's desk. He had enough presence of mind to hope that they had landed safely before he was swept up in sensation once more.

This was going precisely as planned. It drew a smile to his face as he savoured the kiss, moving to stop it only to be suddenly overpowered by a firm hand on the back of his head, keeping him in place.

Oswald swiped the tip of his tongue against the seam of Ed's lips in a silent question. Ed didn't hesitate to answer, parting his lips and allowing Oswald's tongue to enter.

And just like that, the world toppled over and their positions changed.

The hand that wasn't on Ed's head pressed between his shoulder blades, Oswald pulling him closer while his tongue swiped across the roof of Ed's mouth with an unexpected eagerness. 

It felt as if the simple act of Oswald's tongue pushing inside him had somehow unbalanced his body's positive and negative charges and sent lighting through his veins, the experience overall shocking as it set his bones alight. Ed felt his own harsh exhalations bounce back off Oswald's skin as he struggled to lock down the shivers coursing down his spine. All he could do was accept the contact and hope he’d survive it.

Slowly, Oswald's tongue withdrew, brushing the skin on the inside of Ed's lips on its way. Ed couldn't help but chase it with his own tongue, refusing to let Oswald take control away from him. This was_ his_ game, dammit, and Oswald needed to learn to play it right. Their tongues briefly danced with each other, tangling together in a delicious tango, until Oswald's began to withdraw again.

Frustration clawing at his throat, Ed growled, fisting his hands in Oswald's pristine suit jacket to pull him ever closer, delving his own tongue inside the other man's mouth in a desperate attempt to bring him back where he_ belonged_, goddammit.

Instead, Oswald closed his lips around him and** sucked**. The moan that escaped Ed ripped from his very core, echoing in his ears as his heart thundered and pressure started to build between his legs. Oswald was no mere storm; he was a cyclone – electrifying.

Oswald's tongue swept across him, flicking him with it slightly in a way that was downright dirty, coaxing a groan from Edward's throat. It was murder, the flick of Oswald’s tongue deft and proficient as the slice of a blade as it cuts through the artery in a man’s neck. Ed was heavy with it, blood pooling in his gut as his mind fell away from him.

But Oswald pulled back again, and Ed had to fight to keep his hand from going to his pocket knife and pressing it against Oswald’s throat, threatening to spill blood if he didn’t kiss him again, _right now._

“Ed, I don’t understand, w-why…?” Oswald questioned, his mouth visibly shining with saliva.

“Just, shut up,” Ed commanded, closing the distance once more, using his trembling fingers to keep Oswald firmly in place as their lips met. But soon enough, Oswald was pushing him away again, frustratingly persistent in his need for answers.

“Ed, while I’ll admit that I’m enjoying this little… _display_, I’m finding it difficult to understand what I’ve done to deserve it,” Oswald said, looking up at him. 

“Ah, yes.” Ed stepped back a little bit, stopping only to scramble for his glasses, looking through the smeared lenses. He needed to clear his head, to think, to _breathe_. He had let a simple kiss scramble his brain and distract him from his plan. Such things couldn't stand if Ed had any hope of executing his perfect revenge. No, he came here to start a relationship with Oswald, to initiate his plan, not for a make-out session in the mayoral office.

“You see, Oswald, it occurs to me that for a long time you have been the only man I can count on,” Ed began just as he'd rehearsed, “You were there for me in Arkham, the night where Butch choked me, and through Isabella. You've even appointed me as your chief of staff. You have been the most tremendous friend I've ever met – a true light in the darkness. It's just–” Edward licked his lips, shuffling his feet like he was struggling to get his words out (He needed to play the part, after all).

“Despite the fact you have already done so much for me, I just can't help wanting more. I was so confused before, I couldn't work out what it was I wanted. But when we spoke about–about being _more_ than friends, and what you said about being _together_ in every sense of the word… I don't think I've ever wanted anything more. I couldn't say it then, but I'm saying it now. I want to be with you. And I hope you want to be with me too.”

“Yes!” Oswald burst out before quickly composing himself. “Yes, Ed. I… I want that more than anything.” Ed smirked. The secret to a good lie was hiding it in truth. That way, Oswald wouldn't know what he'd swallowed until it was halfway down his throat.

“Good.” Ed smiled, punctuating it with a quick kiss to Oswald's lips, making himself at home in his space once more.

“Oh, I think we can do better than that.” Oswald grinned against him, taking Ed's bottom lip in his mouth and caressing it with his tongue gently. A wave of heat washed over Ed, lighting up his nerve endings. He moved closer to Oswald, tilting his head a little to lock their lips more securely together – when an infuriating noise sounded at the door.

_Knock, knock, knock._

“Mr. Cobblepot? Your car is outside.”

Oswald pulled back with a curse, wiping his mouth harshly against his sleeve. Ed had turned him into a debauched animal – his lips blood brushed red and his cheeks tinted pink – not to mention the complete mess he'd made of the man's spiky hair. _Ed_ had done that. He'd never felt more satisfied.

“I'm so sorry, dear friend, I really have to go. I have a meeting with Mr. Gladow about the state of affairs, and I really need to discuss…” Oswald prattled on about it as if Ed didn't know exactly how important that meeting was. Of course, he knew, he was the chief of staff, for goodness sake.

“I understand, Oswald, just go,” Ed placated him, gently brushing their fingers together.

“Thank you, Ed. Perhaps we could discuss this later?” The Mayor asked hopefully.

“Of course,” Ed accepted, returning Oswald's grateful smile before watching him shuffle towards the door, looking back one more time before finally leaving and shutting the door behind him.

Edward clapped his hands together and giggled excitedly as he went over his progress in his head. That had gone so very well; precisely to plan. He practically had Oswald eating out of his hand.

_“Well, not **precisely** to plan,” _A dark voice snarked behind him.

Ed froze, his muscles chilling as he slowly turned to face his counterpart. “What are_ you_ doing here?” He seethed through his teeth, stalking over to the dark figure.

_“Oh, you know,” _It shrugged,_ “Just popped in for a friendly chat.”_ The spectre grinned maniacally, leering at Ed with its bleached white teeth.

“You can't be here. I don't want you here,” Ed glared the figure down.

_“Why? Scared I'll spoil the fun?” _It rolled its eyes,_ “Or are you so possessive that the idea of giving up control of Oswald to little ole’ me makes you sick to the stomach? Huh?” _The figure cupped his ear as if searching for a response, his grin growing impossibly wider when Ed failed to respond. _“I thought so.” _The spectre giggled to itself, shaking his head._ “Oh, Ed, don't act like we don't know why you're **really** doing this.”_

“I don't know what you're talking about.” Ed huffed, turning away to examine Oswald’s desk, but the sheets and wood and knick-knacks blurred after a while.

_“You think it's** revenge**.” _The figure laughed harshly, catching his attention again. _“You think it's all some big plot because he killed that stupid little blonde woman.”_

“She is not stupid.” 

_“**Was**, idiot. Past tense.”_ The spectre grinned.

Ed felt his chest tighten, his hands clamping unto fists. “You know nothing about this. Oswald is getting exactly what he deserves. He _killed_ her. And then he lied to me. He has to pay.”

_“You fool. Can you honestly not see what's really going on? Are you so blind th-”_ The figure’s words were cut off by the shrill ring of Edward's phone in the quiet room. Oswald perhaps?

_“Is it him? Oh, I bet it's him!”_ The figure squealed, clapping its hands together as it bounced on the spot.

Ed retrieved the phone before flipping it open and scanning the screen. “It's Barbara, you idiot. Now shut up and go away.”

_“Whatever.” _The spectre shrugged, walking away as if it had better things to do.

Ed answered the phone quickly, holding it against his ear.

“Hi, Eddie dear.” Barbara’s cold laugh leaked through the phone’s receiver. “Just checking in to make sure Pengy hasn't killed you or something. You know. Just in case.”She cackled again, the sound made metallic through the line.

“Yes, Barbara. Very amusing,” Ed drawled. He checked out of the corner of his eye to make sure the other-him was still gone.

“So how's it going? You do him yet?”She chirped conversationally.

“What? No!” Ed spat, grinding his teeth. He wanted Oswald on his knees and begging, yes, but begging for a merciful end, not anything else.

“Okay, just asking,” She continued breezily. “Is there anything we can do to help? I'm sure Tabby would just** love** to mess a little with dear Ozzie's mind. She's been so bored lately.”

“I'm fine for now, but I'll keep that in mind,” Ed replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes at the empty room. 

“Okay, well bye then! Don’t forget to call if anything happens, bean boy.” 

“Yes. Bye.” Ed barely waited for the call-end dial before snapping the phone shut. He didn’t have time for Barbara and her petty, manipulative ways. He needed to focus on the world around him and keep a tight hold on the strings he’d been pulling. Ed did have a dinner to organise, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any and all comments/kudos are greatly appreciated! I hope you enjoy the rest!


	2. Flattery and Deceit are the Darlings of Great Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L̶̡̡̝̲͈̥̙͙͉͖͉̳̣̒̓̀̍̾̈́̌̈́̐ͅḯ̵̡̧̛̩̥̠͙̼͖̺̤̹̹̠̼̪̪̣͕̼̰̲̑̿̓̂̽̌̆͛̌̊̈́͋̃͊̊̊̆͐̅̈́́͠͝͠͝͠ͅę̸̥̞̪̳̖̤͙̬͇̜̼̦̕

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut warning! Thank you to my good friend Fox for all your help on this fic! It's really appreciated.

“Okay, is everything ready?” Ed announced in the hushed room, clapping his hands together to get the staff’s attention.

“Yes, sir,” One of the maids replied.

“It’s Mr. Nygma, technically, but I like your attitude,” Ed exclaimed, giggling when the girl simply smiled nervously before disappearing out of the room. 

Edward looked over his handiwork, pleased with the crisp white tablecloth and long-stemmed candles grouped together up and down the table periodically. He adjusted the silverware minutely here and there, making sure everything had a strong right angle, lining it up with the place settings perfectly. 

As for the food, well that was a different kind of special. Ed had spent the whole afternoon searching for the perfect recipes, leaning towards the traditional Hungarian dishes like Oswald’s mother would have cooked him. He would’ve cooked them by himself to ensure they were _absolutely_ perfect, but Olga had insisted he’d need help and, eventually, Ed had relented, acknowledging the fact that he didn’t exactly have enough time to spend cooking everything when he had _other_ arrangements to prepare.

Another maid rushed in, her voice cutting through Ed’s thoughts. “Sir, I believe the Mayor’s car has pulled up in the drive. Would you like me to direct him in here, or..?” 

“No, no, I’ll do it,” Ed answered with forced calm, walking to the dining room’s large double doors, “And it’s Mr. Nygma, remember.” With that, he paced down the corridor to the Manor’s front door, centring himself with a smile. He did a last-minute check, running his hand through his styled hair, making sure it was in place. He smoothed out his suit with quick swipes of his hands, the dark green fabric yet to be creased. The suit was new, only the best for Oswald. Everything had to be perfect.

All this mattered now, Ed had decided. Making things perfect, following through and mapping things out guaranteed the success of his plan and, most importantly, his own stellar performance 

_Oh god, the front door was opening._

Ed stuttered out a breath, trying to calm his racing heart as he waited for Oswald to appear. The door opened fully, Oswald moving after it and hobbling inside. Ed watched as Oswald’s eyes scanned the room, seeming to take in everything before finally focusing on Ed. Oh, and perhaps the large arrangement of roses Ed had organised to be placed behind him.

“Ed? What… What is this?” Oswald asked, looking him over. “When did you get that suit? I don’t remember buying that one.”

“It’s a date, silly. We’re having dinner,” Ed replied breathlessly, smiling to cover his nerves. Perhaps this was a little overboard. They had only started talking about being together less than six hours ago. This might be too much too soon. Ed just wanted Oswald to believe the lie, that’s all. It was important. 

“A date?” The Penguin asked. Ed shifted under his gaze.

“Exactly! I made you dinner. Perfectly acceptable.” 

“And the flowers?” Oswald asked, nodding to the admittedly extravagant display behind him.

“A… gesture?” Ed tried, his voice betraying him like the bastard it was. Oswald sighed, stepping forward with smile Ed didn't understand.

“You don't have to buy my affections, Ed. They're already yours.” Oswald smiled up at him, rolling his eyes and huffing a breath.

“I wasn't trying to buy anything!” Ed exclaimed, irritated at the insinuation, despite the underlying truth of it.

Oswald raised his eyebrows, tilting his head.

“I wasn't!” Ed insisted. Oswald just kept **looking** at him until Ed, at last, gave a relenting sigh. “Okay, but it wasn't the whole reason. I wanted to please you.”

“Yeah?” Oswald prompted, slipping his arms around Ed's neck and leaning dangerously close. As if it were nothing. As if it were real.

“You deserve so much, so many things. I'm a lucky man to be the one to give them to you.” Edward smiled. It was true, Oswald definitely deserved **a lot**. And Ed would definitely be the one giving it to him. It would be a shame to go back on his word, now, wouldn't it?

“Well, then I suppose I'm just going to have to accept it,” Oswald said with a put upon sigh which quickly turned into a grin. “Now, let's go have dinner. I'm starving.”

“Yes,” Ed purred, taking Oswald by the hand to lead him to the dining room. He stood in the doorway as Oswald entered and** stared**.

Ed wondered which elements had captured the Penguin’s attention first. The flickering candles perhaps? The extra bunches of roses dotted around? The clean lines of the place settings? Or was it all of it? Ed couldn’t help but be pleased with himself at the thought.

“This is for me?” Oswald asked as if there was another five foot three Kingpin turned Mayor who he planned to kiss and kill just waiting around the corner.

“Of course,” Ed scoffed, gently placing his hands on Oswald's shoulder blades to guide him to his seat. He silently pulled out his chair and helped him into it before rounding the table to take his place on the other side.

“I hope you like the food. I found the recipes myself.”

“I'm sure it'll be brilliant,” Oswald assured him. “Just like you.”

Heat rushed to Ed’s cheeks, sweltering as the Summer sun. What an unnecessary reaction that had nothing to do with his plan. He quickly cleared his throat, eager to move on from the unnecessary reaction as he rang a small handheld bell.

A maid opened and stuck her head around the door, waiting for Edward's nod before entering fully, a dish carried in each hand. She set the plates down in front of the two men before bobbing a quick curtsey in their direction and scampering back through the door.

Ed eyed Oswald readily, gauging his reaction to the dish in front of him. He’d been diligent in his research, checking the sources of the recipes to make sure they were authentic. Even so, there was still a niggling worm of doubt in Ed’s mind he struggled to control. 

Oswald made eye contact over his fork, smiling before he placed it in his mouth.

“Do you like it?” The question tumbled from his lips without permission. Oh dear. The man had just barely put the food in his mouth and Ed was already pestering him with questions. Ed decided he didn’t really care how Oswald felt, it didn’t matter either way, in fact–

“Yes, thank you,” Oswald replied politely. As if _it didn't matter_. Frustration scratched Ed’s insides, his fingers clenching into fists. It _should_ matter, Oswald_ should_ care.

...Or he shouldn’t.

“How was your meeting with Mr. Gladow?” Ed asked, choosing to change the topic instead of wrangling with the mess of emotions he was tangled in.

“It went very well. I didn’t even have to threaten him,” Oswald replied cheerily, scooping another forkful into his mouth.

“I’m not surprised.” Ed snorted. He’d already assessed Gladow as having a “weak mind” at the best of times. He was clearly easily manipulated: Another nobody to shake hands with before sending on their way.

Oswald went on, continuing in his description of the meeting. They laughed together, the sound easily drawn out from Ed with each one of Oswald's smiles. Joy was bubbling in his chest, difficult to contain. Ed was almost shaking with it.

_“I wonder why?”_ A something asked him from the shadows. Ed refused to answer and kept his attention on the Mayor, noting the way his cheeks bloomed pink after every compliment, and how their feet occasionally brush almost accidentally on purpose, flirting silently with each other. Yes, everything was on track, everything was going to plan.

_“Everything is going to plan,” _The voice most mocked with an audible eye roll. _“Really, Ed? For a man with glasses, you're exceptionally blind.”_

“Ed, are you alright?” Oswald's gentle voice startled him, his hand warmed where it was covered with Oswald's own. Ed realized he'd been staring into space and forgotten to respond to whatever Oswald had been saying.

“I'm fine, thank you,” Ed assured him, clearing his throat and to choke down some wine and forget about it. Oswald didn't seem quite placated, but after one of Ed's most reassuring smiles, he let it go.

The rest of the dinner passed smoothly, Ed still keeping an eye on the corners of the room, waiting for something to shift in the dark, but things remained blissfully uninterrupted.

“Shall we retire to the sitting room?” Oswald suggested, leading the way when Edward nodded his assent. Wine glasses in hand, they settled close together on the couch, watching the fire roar within the fireplace's confines. The dim, flickering light made the world around them seem dark and hazy, and Ed would have called it romantic if he didn't know any better.

To be perfectly honest, he wasn't quite sure where things were going. He hadn’t planned much beyond dinner. Still, he was determined to ride it out – if only to aid in Oswald's belief in the sincerity of his love.

“Ed,” Oswald quickly regained his attention before pausing to take a sip from his glass. “Did you know…” Oswald cleared his throat. “Did you know that the first time I realized I was in love with you, we were on this couch?”

Ed's jaw unconsciously unhinged as he processed that. Somehow, he’d forgotten that Oswald actually did care for him. And that meant there had to be something about Ed that had… _allured_ him.

“It was the night after Butch attacked you,” Oswald continued, shaking his head slightly. “I was so... _confused_. I could not understand the depth of panic I felt when presented with the image of possibly losing you.”

That long? Oswald had known for_ that_ long.

“And then you told me you'd do anything for me. You told me I could always count on you. And it all became quite clear,” Oswald gently placed his hand over Ed's, fingers startlingly warm. “Because I would do the same for you.” Oswald licked his lips, the movement drawing Ed's eyes before he snapped them back up to meet Oswald's earnest gaze. “Anything you want, Edward. I promise you, absolutely anything.”

“Anything?” Ed echoed, his voice wavering between reverence and hesitance. _Oh dear_, he hadn’t considered this either. How was he supposed to know that Oswald came with his own stack of sugary words, meant to lure Ed in and take something more from him?

_“Play the part, dumbass,”_ That thing reminded him, a chuckle escaping it. _“Or don’t you want to?”_ Ed ignored it steadfastly, trying to concentrate on Oswald’s lips as they began to move again.

“Edward, I _love_ you. You ask for the world and I'll hand it to you on a silver platter.” Oswald declared reverently, reaching to brush Ed's cheek with the back of his hand. “Is there anything you want? Anything at all? Because – I swear – it's yours.”

_Your severed head would be just great._

“You,” He said instead, swallowing hard as he leaned closer to the Mayor. “All I want is you.”

The kiss wasn't surprising, both of them aware of the lead up as they leaned in at the same time. But Ed was still startled at the feel of it, the heat of Oswald's mouth, the gentleness of his lips, the reverence in his fingertips. He couldn't imagine getting used to the sensation, the sheer uniqueness just as blissful as it was exciting.

_“You won't have the chance to get used to it...” _That voice pointed out. _“Tick-tock, this relationship has a clock.”_

Ed opened his eyes to glare at it, choosing to delve his tongue inside Oswald's mouth to drown out the figure's cackling laugh.

Oswald sighed, accepting him in, his hands twisting the collar of Ed's (very expensive, how dare he) suit jacket as he drew him closer. Oswald was letting Ed take the lead this time, allowing him to explore under the warm glow of expensive wine and flickering fire.

Edward took the opportunity for what it was, swiping his tongue past Oswald's teeth to tangle briefly with his, curling and twisting, before brushing across the roof of Oswald's mouth like he'd shown him the first time. Oswald's resulting gasp and surprised moan sent shivers curling down his spine, heat pooling below his belt as he tried to pull Oswald even closer.

“Eddie, your glasses,” Oswald mumbled uncomfortably against his lips. Pulling back with a huff, Ed ripped his spectacles off and set them on a side table, not wasting time before he pulled Oswald into his arms once more.

“Actually, I was hoping we could relocate upstairs. Perhaps you would care to join me in my bedroom?” Oswald asked, pulling back again to look up at him through the veil of his eyelashes hopefully. Ed swallowed thickly, feeling further excitement settle beneath his skin at the prospect of _him, Oswald_ and_ bedroom._

“Okay,” he breathed, failing to disguise his anticipation as he looked down into Oswald's luminous green eyes. 

_“You always did like green.”_

“You might want to take those with you,” Oswald informed him, gesturing to his glasses. “You might need them tomorrow.”

Ed went to gather them before a snagging thought pulled him back around.

“You mean I'm… spending the night?” Ed asked, struggling to locate a better word source.

“If you want to,” Oswald began hoarsely, “You don't have to, of course, I just figured–” but Ed quickly cut him off.

“No, I want to.” Of course, this would be _extremely _conducive to the plan. Absolutely the right way to proceed from here. In fact, it could accelerate things. Which is always good. Absolutely, positively perfect. Yes.

“Okay, then.” Oswald took his hand, smiling gently. Snatching up his glasses, Ed allowed himself to be towed up the stairs, following Oswald down the long corridors until they reached his bedroom. Oswald smiled up at him, pulling him down into another searing kiss as he opened the door.

They stumbled inside, Ed hesitant to break the kiss when it felt _so good_. Oswald broke it anyway but stayed close, his fingers curling into the fabric of Ed's shirt, slipping beneath his jacket to touch his chest through the white poly-blend.

“Ed, I–” Oswald began.

“Clothes Off,” Ed pleaded brokenly, hands already moving to undo buttons. He didn't have time for talking, and he wouldn’t allow himself to think about what was happening. No, it was best to maintain a façade of assurance and let his body make the decisions for once.

He tracked Oswald’s movements as he began to shed his clothing. Ed’s mind buzzed silence as bare, pale skin was revealed. His hands itched with the desire to touch, but Ed judged it to be unwarranted so he didn’t give in to the impulse.

When Oswald had finished, Edward followed suit, hurriedly ridding himself of his clothes as fast as he could.

“What do you need from me?” Oswald asked, looking around the room with a mild degree of apprehension. It occurred to Ed that Oswald might not have been all too experienced in this realm. Oswald had once admitted to having used “special favours” in his climb to power. But Ed doubted he'd ever extended the offer to anyone who _really_ mattered to him. 

And if Ed mattered to him, that would make Ed his first.

“On the bed,” he decided, leaning forward to press a kiss to the corner of Oswald’s mouth. “Now_._”

Oswald went happily, tipping himself back to look up at Ed beckoningly through his eyelashes. “Are you coming, Edward?” he asked, shifting his hips in emphasis.

“Yes,” Ed breathed, gulping around the lump in his throat.

“Good,” Oswald affirmed, hand slipping between his legs to palm himself in a wanton display. “There's lube in the top drawer of the nightstand.”

Ed headed over to it, locating the lube quickly as he was struck with the idea that maybe Oswald hadn't been quite like this with someone else, but he'd _certainly _explored on his own. The idea was further confirmed by the addition of a slim black toy that was also in the drawer, sending Ed's mind spiralling as he imagined what it would be like to actually see Oswald using it.

But, alas, there wasn't time for that. And, also, Ed didn’t even care enough to want to explore. So, there.

“C’mere,” Oswald prompted, spreading his legs further as Ed, breaking out of his thoughts, situated himself between them. They kissed leisurely, enjoying the taste of each other, their hips rocking gently.

“Mmm, Ed,” Oswald hummed appreciatively, hands brushing Edward's shoulder blades as Ed trailed kisses down his jaw, hungry for it, pausing to lap at the soft underside. Then, he gently bit down, savouring the taste of sweat on Oswald's skin.

“Fuck, Ed!” Oswald gasped in shock, hips twitching up beneath him.

Edward breathed harshly against his pulse point, scraping first his tongue then his teeth against the pale skin of Oswald's throat.

It would be so easy to lose control. Ed could feel it rushing over him; the whisper to dig his teeth in deeply, to pierce flesh, to taste Oswald's blood spilling over his tongue. Such a gentle ecstasy in itself, such a wondrous way to die. 

_He would let me, too,_ Ed thought to himself quietly. _Look at him, just laying there. Mine for the taking. I could do anything._

_He’s **irresistible**._

Ed shot backwards, heart pumping and hands shaking as he tried to control his breathing.

“Ed?”

“S-sorry,” Ed scrunched his trembling fingers into fists. “Just nervous, I guess.”

“That’s okay.” Oswald had murdered people. Why were Ed’s legs melting? “Come sit, here.” Ed slinked back to the bed, perching on the edge of it. “I know you’ve had some experience, so why don’t we stick to what you’re used to for tonight, hmm?”

“You mean I’d-” Ed licked his lips, eyes widening as he pictured it (Oswald beneath him, Ed inside him, breathing like they were one). “You-”

“I’ve, uh, experimented a bit before so I don’t think it’ll be so difficult.” Oswald shrugged.

“O-okay,” Ed agreed, nodding his head snappily. He wasn’t actually nervous, of course. No, this was fine. It would all be fine. He just needed to remember how to breathe first, and then, yes, everything would be fine.

“We could ease into it, first?” Oswald offered, stroking a finger along Ed’s collarbone distractingly. “Kiss me.”

Ed kissed him, finding it a little more familiar than the rest of it, the taste drawing him in again. He smiled a little, enjoying it when Oswald pulled him on top of him, their bodies pressed against each other. Oswald was so solid, an unbreakable force beneath him that Ed hadn’t experienced before.

Ed let one of his hands explore, finding the scar tissue in Oswald’s shoulder before reaching lower, tracing his ribs, the just of his hip, the curve of his thigh. Hesitantly, Ed licked and sucked at Oswald’s neck again since he seemed to like it last time. He was pleasantly surprised at the broken off babble of curses Oswald gave him in return. Venturing further out to sea, Ed bit down once more.

“Ed, please!” Oswald demanded this time, hips pressing insistently up into Ed’s as he tugged on his shoulders.

“Mmm,” Ed hummed in agreement, eyes widened at the feeling of Oswald’s stiff length pressed insistently against his own. Slowly, he rolled his hips down to meet Oswald’s movements.

“Edward, I _swear–_” Oswald hissed, a hand moving from Ed’s shoulder to his hair, tugging incessantly and sending a severe thrill racing down Ed’s spine.

“Oh _dear_,” Ed gasped, pulling back quickly and breathing through his nose to stave off his suddenly impending orgasm, eyes squeezed shut in concentration.

“Ed, what on _earth_ are you doing?” Oswald asked, sitting up to stare at him.

“I’m… I’m trying not-trying not to-” Ed attempted, unable to force the words from his throat with Oswald’s widened eyes staring at him like that.

“_Really?_” Oswald huffed with an indulgent smile. “I had thought that with a mind of such ‘high calibre’ as yours,” Ed grit his teeth, not at all happy at where this was going. Without remorse, he dipped down, ready to perform the perfect revenge. “You’d be able to control yourself a little more, but if all it takes is _–ah_!”

Without an ounce of remorse, he put his mouth in line with Oswald’s cock and brought the head into his mouth with lascivious _suck_.

“**Fuck!** Ed, Ed, _Ed,_” Oswald cried, bucking hips held firmly in place by Ed’s quick hands.

“Sorry,” He looked up at Oswald demurely through his eyelashes, letting go of his cock with a soft _pop_. “You were trying to tell me something.”

Oswald laughed, the sound rumbling from his throat as he shook his head down at Ed. “_God_, I knew you’d be trouble.”

“Guilty as charged,” Ed purred grinning with a wink. That was the first time he’d done that. He couldn’t have predicted the weight of it, the feeling of something stretching his lips like that. What else was there to discover?

Shuffling further back on the bed, Ed bent to place a line of kisses from the swollen head of Oswald’s cock down, down, down, until he reached-

“Oh my fucking _god_, Ed!” Oswald cried loudly, hands scrabbling down to take root in his hair. Ed smiled, quite pleased he’d caused such a reaction just from satisfying his own curiosity. It was strange and new, and he liked strange, new things. He tested the waters further, licking and sucking at the fluttering skin of Oswald’s rim, teasingly dipping his tongue inside only to draw it back out. Oswald writhed beneath him, his fingers pulling at Ed’s hair, legs straining to wrap around Ed’s shoulders. Ed grinned, thoughts filling his head in a steady pour of _what more, what next, how far can it go_.

_“Wow.”_ Ed’s breath stuttered as he glanced up to see that figure leaning over Oswald to peer down at him gleefully. _“This is certainly unexpected.”_

Ed glared at him, hands tightening their hold on Oswald’s hips.

_“Let me guess, this is all part of your big master plan as well? Show him you love him by eating him out. Well done, very convincing!”_ It laughed harsh like the wind, head thrown back to bare its throat.

“Go. **Away,**” Ed growled at him, lips brushing Oswald’s slick skin as he spoke.

“Fuck, _Ed,_” Oswald gasped, thighs trembling on either side of Edward’s head. “I-I _ah!_ I t-think you should pr-probably stop that too.”

“Oh, right.” Ed leaned back, feeling Oswald’s legs as solid weights on his shoulders. Still curious, he pressed the pad of his index finger against the blush red skin. “Is this okay?”

Oswald just groaned.

“...Okay,” Ed said awkwardly, not entirely sure what he was supposed to be doing. “Do you… happen to know where the lube scrambled off to?”

“Ugh, Ed, please just– _Argh_,” Oswald groaned, legs tightening around Ed’s shoulders. It seemed he was struggling to… maintain his composure.

“Have you thought about dead kittens?” Ed inquired curiously.

“What- Why the fuck would I– Ed, what is wrong with you?” Oswald blustered, knocking Ed’s head slightly with his thigh as he sat up to meet his eye.

“I just– Back at the GCPD, a lot of the officers would talk and I… I never realized that it was _weird_,” Ed assured him emphatically.

“The dead kitten part didn’t tip you off?” Oswald asked exasperatedly. Ed just shrugged.

“Nevermind,” Oswald shook his head, but he was smiling so it couldn’t have been _that_ bad. He chucked something at Ed’s head. “Here’s the lube you ridiculous man.”

“Thank you,” Ed quipped, pleased to be progressing again in his exploration.

He quickly flipped open the cap, pouring a generous amount of the viscous liquid onto his fingers, not entirely sure how much would be enough. He rubbed the substance between his fingertips, intrigued by the strange, slick sensation. How would it feel on the inside..?

Ed pressed his index finger against Oswald’s entrance, watching with fascination as Oswald’s ass swallowed it down. “_Wonderful_,” Ed decided, the word emerging unbidden. He hadn’t thought it would be so easy. Perhaps there was some measure of muscle memory coming into play. Judging by the toy in the draw, at least. Although, Ed’s fingers were considerably longer than Oswald’s. Did that affect how it felt? Was it better or worse?

“Is this enjoyable for you, Oswald?” he asked, glancing up to see the Mayor’s face contorted by some kind of agony. “Or is it painful? I can stop if you want.” Ed worried his lip, anxious to continue his experiment but he understood if the subject was unwilling.

“It’s fucking fantastic, Ed, just keep going, please.”

“Would you say it’s more or less enjoyable than if you were to perform this act upon yourself?” Ed asked, wishing he had his glasses so he could study all aspects in higher clarity.

“I’d say more since I don’t have to bend like a ballerina in order to do it, now, _please–”_ Ed hadn’t considered that. Yes, that probably made it a lot easier to appreciate. 

Ed slipped in a second finger, studying first the way Oswald’s rim tightened and fluttered around the pair, before moving to Oswald's face, delighting in his screwed-up eyes and wide, gaping mouth.

_“I suppose this is conducive to your plan as well,”_ That persistent voice snickered.

Annoyed and agitated to have his thoughts muddled with, Edward twisted his fingers as if to make a fist, forgetting himself for a moment, oh dear–

“Holy _fuck_, Ed!” Oswald howled, hips slamming down on Ed’s fingers.

_Interesting._

“I _swear, _Ed, you better fucking get a move on, or I’ll fucking tear you apart until-” Oswald grouched insistently, his shifting hips and gasping breaths portraying his neediness.

“But I’m not done!” Ed protested. He still had so much to learn.

“Fine!” Oswald blasted. “But you owe me!”

Ed hummed and added a third finger, noting the stretch. Oswald’s stomach began to twitch. Eager to illicit a bigger response, Ed crooked his fingers into the approximation of what he did before, feeling them brush against something

“Fuck,” Oswald clenched around him, his head tipping back and out of sight. “God, sometimes I _hate_ how much I love you.”

Ed bit his tongue, mind fumbling at that little bombshell. It was just… It was so… _Crud_, perhaps he should get a move on if he wanted to maintain the upper hand on this one.

Ed carefully extracted his fingers, moving to grab the lube only to have it snatched away from his fingers.

“Wha–”

“Fuck it, Ed,” Oswald snapped.

All of Ed’s focus narrowed down to one singular sensation as Oswald wrapped his hand around _both _of them.

Oswald’s left hand was steady on his shoulder while his right moved over them, twisting and pulling, _oh dear._

Edward took several deep breaths to calm himself, trying to stay in control even as his body trembled with ecstasy he couldn’t remember ever feeling. “Oh, _Oswald_, this is… I can't even begin to…” Ed struggled to finish his sentence, breaths coming in gasps as he tried to quell his shaking.

“I know,” Oswald mutter, hand on his shoulder moving to comb through his hair. “I know.”

_“See, even **he** gets it,”_ His other self chortled.

Groaning, Ed leant his head on Oswald’s chest – only to be caught up by the slick movements of Oswald’s hand, watching it move up and down with rapt fascination.

“Ed,” Oswald called hoarsely, fingers pulling at his hair. “Please, fuck, kiss me.” Ed’s hands twisted in the sheets to ground himself as he surged upwards and pressed his lips to Oswald’s desperately. Oswald’s hand sped up around them, the feeling oh-so-sweet Ed wanted to bite into it.

He pulled away from Oswald’s lips to kiss down his neck to his shoulder, tongue laving at the milky flesh before biting down. Oswald moaned, the sound burrowing beneath Ed's skin.

“Oh shit, my hand–” Oswald’s grip disappeared and Ed pulled back awkwardly, unsure what to do. Thinking on the fly, he wrapped his own hand around Oswald’s cock. He wasn’t sure what to do about himself but it probably didn’t matter for now. Oswald thrust up into his grip before reaching down to show him how to fit both cocks in his hands.

“I think–” Ed fumbled, moving his other hand down so they were both wrapped around the pair of them. “I think I’ll just…”

“Oh God,” Oswald snorted a laugh. “Just kiss me again.” Ed hesitantly obliged, not really wanting to look away from his hand until he got the hang of it, but he was willing to take the chance. Oswald sucked his tongue and Ed tried to focus on moving his hands up and down in some kind of rhythm. It felt surprisingly okay, not so different from pleasuring himself down the hallway in his own room, only another dick added to the mix.

Ed moved his hands with more surety, twisting at the end the way he likes it himself.

“Fuck, yes, that’s it,” Oswald gasped, fingernails scratching down Ed's back. “Shit, I'm close. This is a lot of teasing.”

“Okay.” Ed had never actually seen another man orgasm. “Okay.”

“God, _yes_,” Oswald grunted, pushing up into Ed’s hands, creating friction between them. Ed whined, hips canting a little into his own grip. Everything about Oswald was overpowering, capturing Ed in something of a sex-fueled daze.

“Yes, you gorgeous man, fuck, so good, so good to me,” Oswald began to babble, causing the tips of Ed’s ears to burn, “Such a good boy, so-oh, oh, fuck, I'm coming, Ed, I'm_ coming._” 

Ed watched on in shock as Oswald came over his fist, spurting white. His mouth opened wide in a silent scream of ecstasy and Ed could see all of his teeth.

Oswald seemingly taken care of, Ed began pumping his own cock hard and fast, eager to follow. Oswald's words echoed in his ears as he came, the praise bolstering his cries. Embarrassing noises ripped from his throat. Ed never did have the opportunity to master the silent orgasm. He shook through the pleasure, reminding himself to breathe even as Oswald went still against him.

Oswald’s name continued to pour from his lips even as he came down, the reverence in his voice almost prayer-like as he tried to muffle himself in Oswald’s shoulder.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Oswald whispered gently, a hand coming up to stroke through Ed’s hair. “It’s all fine, I promise. You were perfect, absolutely amazing, darling.”

Ed huffed, struggling to catch his breath. He kissed Oswald’s shoulder and tasted salt.

“Hey, look at me, Ed.” Oswald prompted, smiling softly when Ed glanced up. “You were wonderful, you beautiful, gorgeous man.” He kissed Ed’s cheek.

Ed blushed, his voice failing as he struggled with what to say. “I…” Ed blinked. “I… you didn’t let me fuck you.”

Oswald snorted, hands in his hair, distracting. “Don’t worry, there’s plenty of time for that.”

“Oh?” Ed blinked. “Oh.”

“Besides, this–” he gestured between them, “Was still fantastic.”

“Good,” Ed hummed. “So, do I… Should I get a cloth?”

“Probably for the best that you do,” Oswald agreed. “I’m too tired for a shower.”

“Oh, sorry, I hadn’t thought–” Ed had completely forgotten Oswald’s leg, hadn’t even checked to make sure he was comfortable. “I’ll be back in two ticks.” He quickly extracted himself from Oswald’s grasp to wander down the hall and back, wet hand-towel in his grasp.

Oswald gently plucked it from his grip, swiping it across both their bellies, thighs and cocks.

It was such a sweet and gentle movement, nothing particularly salacious about it, yet Edward felt warmed all over.

Oswald tossed the hand towel away. “I’ll get it in the morning.” Ed nodded. “Come here.” They crawled under the covers together and Ed found himself with Oswald in his arms again, resting his chin on top of his head.

“Don’t worry,” Oswald whispered. “I won’t let you go.”

A deep ache permeated Ed’s gut as he held Oswald tighter.

“Good.”

Dark laughter permeated the air, carrying him off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next update is coming soon! Thank you for reading! Any and all kudos/comments are greatly appreciated! Have a fantastic spook month!


	3. Wipe Your Mouth There’s Still a Tiny Amount of Bullshit Around Your Lips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> T̸̛͍̪͎̮͂͂̓̂ö̶̢̜͓͙͈̭̖́̄̇̅͛̽̋͒̆̎̕͝͝ ̵̧̛̬͖̪̲̙͎͚̝͓̼̾̄͒̑͊̌̈́͋̌̓̕M̷̨͕͕̬̰͇̎̑̋͒̏͌ͅe̵̩͎͍̼͋̓͑̋͌̏̄͛͝͝

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, new chapter! Thank you to everyone who's been kudos/commenting! All of you really brighten up my day and keep me excited for my writing ahead. I hope you enjoy this chapter! 
> 
> If you wanna chat some more, you can follow my tumblr: [Zebrashavestripes](https://zebrashavestripes.tumblr.com/) or you can even check out my friend's Discord Server [here](https://discord.gg/SShy5jd)

Ed awoke stiff-limbed and gasping from a nightmare he couldn't remember. He tried to breathe deeply, counting down from ten the way Leslie Thompkins used to instruct him when he was ‘grieving’ over Miss Kringle.

Slowly, he opened his eyes, adjusting to what he could see of the world around him. Which wasn't much at all, really. Pulling his head back, Ed realized his face had been buried in something black and fluffy. It only took him a moment for him to recognize it as Oswald's hair.

The previous evening’s events came rushing back, heat pouring through Ed's cheeks as he recalled their activities in this very bed less than twelve hours before.

Looking down, Ed realized that Oswald was laying on his side, facing away, with Ed's limbs wrapped tightly around him, hugging him to his chest. Ed's stomach churned as it occurred to him that during the night he must have latched himself onto Oswald like a deranged octopus.

Cheeks now permanently stained, Ed slowly extricated himself, taking care not to jostle Oswald from slumber as he removed his limbs. He sat up, turning to place his feet firmly on the floor as he wiped the sleep from his eyes. He'd lost track of his glasses at some point during the evening, and Ed idly wondered if he should bother searching for them in the pile of clothes they'd removed last night.

_“Well this certainly is an interesting development,”_ a smug voice quipped. Ed looked up to meet the spectre's gleeful eyes, shivering slightly at the expression on its likeness of his face. _“So… is this all part of your plan too?”_

“Be _quiet,_” he hissed, still not ready for Oswald to awaken.

_“Why? It's not like he can hear me.” _The figure smirked, thumb and forefinger playing with its bottom lip, making it stretch beyond human proportions.

“No, but I can hear you, and it's annoying,” Ed griped.

_“Tut tut, Eddie, is that really the way to address your subconscious mind?”_ His other self asked, placing a hand on its chest in mock-offence.

“I’m too tired for this game. Please, just leave me alone,” Ed sighed.

_“I’m afraid I can’t do that. See, I’m only here because of you. **You** need me. So I think it’s about time we talk about the elephant in the room. Or, rather, the penguin.”_ The figure snickered, its teeth a little too sharp, eyes a little too dark.

“Oswald?” Ed questioned. “What about him?”

_“What do you think, **dumbo**?”_ His other self rolled his eyes. A spark of anger formed in Ed’s gut, crackling through him as he braced his hands on the edge of the bed, ready to stand up.

“You want to kill him, don’t you?” he spat, “You’re going to take him away before I get the chance to do it myself.” Ed’s hands balled into fists. “I won’t _let _you! He’s _mine_, not yo-”

_“Believe me, I have no intention of killing Ozzie right now,” _Not-Ed assured him, smiling with too many teeth. _“In fact, I want him dead just about as much as you do.”_

Ed blinked. “What do you mean?”

_“Look at him, sleeping over there.” _Ed turned. Oswald’s shoulders rose and fell like waves at the seashore as he breathed peacefully through his sleep. _“How does it make you feel, huh? Knowing he’s probably dreaming of you.”_

Ed gulped.

_“Dreaming of last night.”_

Ed shivered, turning back to face the figure as all the memories returned once more.

The figure smiled saccharine as he leant in with a hiss. _“Or dreaming of his skin pressed against yours, dreaming of moaning while you push into him again, and again, and again, and aga-”_

“Shut up!” Ed shouted, closing his eyes and covering his ears as he felt his face flush.

“Ed?” A blurry voice called from the other side of the bed. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” Edward replied instantly, hating the unintentional catch in his voice. He jerked his hands away, turning to face Oswald.

“Are you sure? You can tell me if… something is bothering you,” Oswald prompted, laying a hand on Ed's shoulder. Ed had the feeling Oswald already knew.

“Thank you, Oswald. Your offer is kind but unwarranted as I am perfectly fine.”

“...I'm glad,” Oswald finally replied, a small smile curling his lips which Edward hoped meant he finally believed him.

“Is your hair always this fluffy in the morning?” Ed asked, quickly changing the topic.

“I don't know. Maybe you need to keep waking up with me and find out,” Oswald quipped smugly, pressing a teasing kiss to Ed's cheek.

In the background, the thing laughed, dark like a thunderstorm.

“I like it,” Ed announced, ignoring the continued laughter. He playfully tugged on a few strands of Oswald's hair. “It's nice: You without the product.”

“Well, I'm glad you approve,” Oswald rumbled, tilting his head back and smirking, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively. Ed’s mouth went dry as he noticed the deep-set marks on Oswald’s throat. He had put those there.

“Uh, y-you have,” Ed swallowed thickly, “It appears… I may have left a mark.”

“Oh?” Oswald asked, looking up at him through his eyelashes as he brought a hand up to stroke his neck thoughtfully. Heat flushed Ed’s cheeks as his eyes tracked the movements, blood rushing… other places, far more distracting than he’d have liked.

Edward slowly slipped his hand down the nape of Oswald's neck, continuing down to trace his ribs before settling on his lower back.

“I didn't hurt you did I? Your leg’s not too sore, or anything?” Ed asked hesitantly.

Oswald chuckled, leaning up to rub Ed's nose with his own, a gesture that should have been annoying but which Ed found… Sweet.

“Edward, believe me when I say that if bullets won’t stop me, one gorgeous night with you is nothing.”

Ed rolled his eyes, cheeks heating as Oswald laughed at his face. Oswald pressed their lips together sweetly, his grip firm enough on Ed's shoulders to ground him.

“Although I must admit, it's flattering that you care,” Oswald mumbled against his mouth.

_I don't care._

A knock sounded at the door, breaking the two of them from their embrace.

“Mr kapelput?” Olga's familiar voice called in her thick accent. “Everything z’okay? Tis thirty minutes past the nine. And Mr Nygma not down ze stairs as v’ell.”

Oh, crud.

“Don't worry, Olga, I'll be down soon if you could have breakfast ready for me. And don’t worry about Ed, I'll see to it that he is alright,” Oswald called out calmly.

Olga muttered something dark in Russian before the sound of her footsteps faded away.

“Well, I suppose we should get up,” Oswald sighed.

“Right,” Ed agreed, swinging his legs out of bed. He turned back around to see Oswald staring at him avidly. “Wha-” Heat flooded Ed’s cheeks as he looked down to see he was still naked. “I, uh, should probably…”

“Take my robe,” Oswald offered, still staring unabashedly.

“O-okay.” Edward nodded, spinning slowly as he tried to find said robe, resisting the urge to cover himself with his hands.

“Over there,” Oswald pointed, smiling, his gaze palpable as Ed hurried over to retrieve it.

“I– I’ll see you at breakfast,” Ed said by way of a goodbye, quickly skedaddling out the room to race down the hall. He slammed his bedroom door behind him, leaning his back against it as he struggled to control his breathing.

Why was Oswald always _looking_ at him like that – like he was this desirable thing he could _devour _whole. It was unbearable. Ed couldn’t stand it. Not even Isabella had looked at him like that.

_“Wow, you really are a complete imbecile, aren’t you?”_ His other self remarked snarkily, leaning an elbow against the wood beside him.

“Go away,” Edward gritted out, his jaw twitching as he tried not to yell and draw attention to himself _again._ “I don’t want you here.”

_“Rude,”_ it remarked, laughing a little as Ed flinched. _“It’s true, though. You are an idiot.”_

Ed pressed his lips together, squeezing his eyes shut. “Why are you here? I’ve learnt my lesson, haven’t I? I’m not a good person and I don’t pretend to be.”

_“One,” _His other self enunciated. _“You kinda did pretend for a while with that Isabelle girl, now didn’t you?”_

“Isabella!” Ed corrected emphatically.

_“Whatever,”_ His other self sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers before appearing to collect himself._ “Two; that’s not why I’m here.”_

Ed breathed before curling his hands into fists. “Then, why _are_ you here?”

_“**Three**,” _Not-Ed continued, purposefully ignoring him apparently. _“You already know all that, you’re just refusing to acknowledge the truth.”_

“Then, what _is _the truth?” Ed demanded, unmasking his frustration.

_“Do you really need to ask me that?”_ The thing shook its head, mock-disappointed. _“Guess you just can’t make the blind boy see.”_ It shrugged, walking away into nothing.

Edward barely stopped himself from throwing his lamp through the window.

?¿?¿?

“Good morning again,” Oswald greeted gleefully as Ed strode into the dining room. Ed rolled his eyes, plopping down into the seat to his right.

“You needn’t tease me, Mr. Cobblepot,” Ed said lightly, taking a slice of toast from the rack.

“And you needn’t flirt with me, Mr. Nygma.” Oswald’s foot brushed up and down Ed’s calf as he steadfastly buttered his toast. How annoyingly distracting.

“Go read your paper, heathen,” Ed told him, pushing the Mayor’s toes away.

“Only if you hand it over, your highness.” Oswald held his hand out, grinning at him. Ed rolled his eyes again, hating the smile that poured from his cheeks as he handed over the newspaper.

_“Hickory-Dickory-Dock, Ed wants the Mayor’s cock.”_ Goddammit, that voice.

_I don’t want Oswald’s cock,_ Ed thought as loudly as he could

_“All the king's horses, all the king's men, couldn’t put Ed’s argument together again.”_

“So what’s on the agenda for today?” Oswald asked, regaining Ed’s attention from behind the pages of the newspaper. “Anything exciting?”

“Not particularly,” Ed remarked, tapping the table to keep his focus on the real world. “You have a revue meeting, which you won’t need me for, and then it’s just back to the paperwork until your dinner with Mr. Sturgess.”

“Ah right, very good.” Oswald nodded, going back to reading his paper.

_“Cock-a-doodle-doo, he wants to fuck you.”_

“Anything interesting?” Edward inquired sharply, rattling his head to clear it.

“It seems that Nathaniel Barnes has been sent Arkham,” Oswald remarked. “There’s also a lot of blathering about some new exhibition at the museum, and some operetta at the theatre.”

“May I see?” Edward asked, stretching out his hand. Oswald relented it without complaint, turning back to his breakfast. 

There was a news report on Barnes, a rather thorough one at that. Ed smirked as he noted the reporter’s name under the headline. It seemed Valerie Vale had made a full recovery from her attack and was back to her old self. 

Turning the page, Ed skimmed through the other articles before his eyes jumped to a picture on the next page: An impressively large diamond, the cut flawless and clear, Ed could just imagine it sparkling. Ed skimmed the article surrounding it – a feature on the exhibition Oswald had mentioned. The report said it would arrive tonight and be on display before the week is out. Ed licked his lips, an idea forming in his head.

_“Wow.”_ Ed suddenly felt it by his side, shaking its head at him. _“Now, Eddie, I know I’m the fun one, but that is **stupid**.”_ Ed shrugged, unmoved. _“Ed, you **cannot** risk our life like that. You're being crazy. Crazy-crazy,” _It emphasized. _“If Oswald found out, he’d throw you in Arkham if he wasn’t ass-over-tits for you.”_

Ed ignored him, biting his tongue.

“So what’s today’s schedule like for you?” Oswald asked, breaking Ed from his reverie. “Will I see you much?”

_“See,”_ It snorted. _“Ass-over-tits **in love**.”_

Where on earth had his brain learned that phrase?

“That depends entirely on how a meeting of mine goes,” Ed answered Oswald carefully. “Nothing too serious, of course, it’s just this particular man I’m seeing is known to be quite the staller.”

“Well, then I wish you all the best, _love_,” Oswald said, his smile sweet and sincere. Ed flushed.

His other self’s laughter echoed in his mind. _“There’s no turning back now.”_

?¿?¿?

The last time Ed had planned a heist on a museum, it had taken him three days to sort out. But he was fairly inexperienced back then, and he’d had to plan the railway excursion on top of it while procuring the materials for two bombs (one real and one fake). If he’d managed back then, surely he could manage now.

Still, Ed wondered if he was getting in over his head.

_“It wouldn’t be the first time,”_ His other self remarked, rolling its eyes. It was hanging over Ed’s shoulder, making him feel like he had a second head. _“You do know why you’re doing this, don’t you?”_

“Shut up, I’m trying to think,” Ed snapped, pushing his fingers into his eyes beneath his glasses and as he let out a long exhale.

_“Peekaboo,”_ it giggled when he removed his hands, glaring at the figure. _“Just saying, if you wanted to get Pengy a gift, you could have just reprised the cupcake fiasco. I think he’d like it.”_

“Shut up!” Ed repeated, his hands curling into fists to dig his fingernails into his palms and ground himself to reality. He trained his eyes on the information he'd garnered about the security at the museum, as well as that of the security detail issued to the diamond, arrival time and pick up arrangements, all procured under the door opening name which is Mayor Oswald Cobblepot, of course.

The figure sighed and rolled its eyes before leaning against his desk. _“You know, if you’re really insisting on doing this, I can help you.”_

“I don’t need your _help_,” Ed snarled, keeping his gaze on the notes he was making.

_“Oh, I’m **sure**. But I have something else you need.”_

“And what’s that?” Ed asked, cursing when he accidentally glanced up.

_“You’ll see.”_ Ed sighed in relief as the spectre disappeared.

He worked studiously in the following hours, popping out of his office discreetly to gather a few supplies before sneaking back in unnoticed.

He was busy carving a question mark into a plastic diamond replica he’d found at a dollar store when a knock sounded at the door. “Come in,” he instructed, shoving his little art project into his desk-drawer hurriedly.

“Edward,” the door opened to reveal Oswald, smiling in greeting. “Are you free for lunch? I wasn’t sure…”

“Of course,” Ed assured him, smiling brightly as he stood. “Did you have something in mind?”

“Castello’s.”

“Good.” They were regulars there – the kitchen and wait-staff fairly trustworthy with the added advantage of knowing just how Penguin liked his beef cooked, or how onion-less Ed took his pasta. “I’ll go organise the security team and we’ll head out.”

“Uh, Edward,” Oswald raised his voice, halting Ed in his tracks.

“Yeah?” Ed prompted.

“Would you please come here for a moment?” Oswald requested, closing the door behind his back, still facing him. 

Ed raised an eyebrow at him, slowly moving into his space. “Is there something I can h-” Ed was cut off by a pair of lips pressed hard against his own, a tongue tracing the seam of his lips before Ed allowed it entrance. Fuck, how had he already forgotten how good Oswald was at this? Large hands turned him, pushing his shoulders back against the door, the grip firm and demanding, although Ed didn’t doubt that Oswald would release him in less than a moment should he just ask.

_“I bet you won’t, though.”_

It was exhilaration held in a moment; pinned down like a butterfly specimen while Oswald’s tongue plunged into his mouth, swiping across his palate and making him gasp. An incessant need for _more, more, more_, stirred within him, clamouring for attention.

And then, all at once, it was gone and Edward was left leaning against the door, reeling.

“Good, now that that's done, we can go!” Oswald announced chirpily. Ed could only stand there, gaping, struggling to regain his breath. “Come now, Ed, we mustn’t waste our time.” Oswald gently nudged him, and Ed moved willingly, pushing his glasses up his nose along the way. His stomach curdled when he glanced up and met the eyes of his other self, the spectre’s devilish smirk sending shivers down Ed’s spine.

_“Distracting, isn’t he?” _Its eyes raked him up and down_ “I think you enjoyed that.”_

Edward stumbled over himself in his haste to get_away_.

?¿?¿?

“–And so, your meeting with councilman Jenkins had to be pushed up to five-thirty, seeing as you were so _insistent_ on torturing Mr. Bates yourself,” Ed finished as they walked up the stairs of city hall. He was keeping his gait slow to accommodate Oswald and his no doubt aggravated leg.

“Thank you so much for understanding, Edward,” Oswald gushed, hand lingering warm on Ed’s shoulder as they came to a stop outside Ed’s office.

“Again, I would have been happy to do it myself,” Ed sighed.

Oswald tilted his head consideringly. “You can join me if you wish.”

“Are you sure?” Ed asked, eagerness slipping into his voice unintentionally.

“Of course!” Oswald crowed. “And you have just over a day to think about it, so just let me know.”

“Okay,” Ed agreed, looking around as he recalled the very much public place the tail-end of their conversation had taken place. “I –uh– suppose I should get back to my work.”

“Yes,” Oswald surmised, seeming as reluctant to leave their bubble of calm as much as Ed was. 

_“Why is that, again?”_ Ed swallowed, keeping his eyes on Oswald’s. _“Oh, Billie-Gee, that’s the most eye-fucking I ever did see.”_

“Oh, Ed, I almost completely forgot!” Oswald slapped his forehead self-deprecatingly.

“Yes?” Ed prompted, clearing his throat.

“You know I’m having dinner with Mr. Sturgess tonight if you’d care to join me?” Oswald asked, looking up through his eyelashes with an incredibly hopeful expression that was impossible to say no to.

“O-of course. I mean, I’ll have to check my schedule, b-but I’m sure I can fit dinner in,” Ed determined.

_“What about the heist, dumbo?”_

“A-As long as it doesn’t take too long,” Edward added. “It starts quite early though, I believe.”

“Yes, well,” Oswald rolled his eyes, “that’s what you get when the majority of your congressmen are close to retirement. But,” he winked, “that’s what makes them so easy to pay off.”

Ed chuckled in agreement, nodding several times. “Good day, Oswald, I’ll see you soon.” He smiled, turning the knob to his door and making his way inelegantly inside, closing the door behind him.

_“Wow.”_

Ed glared, hands falling to his sides. The apparition leaned casually against the desk, crossing its arms with a mischievous smirk in place.

_“That certainly was an interesting luncheon, now, wasn’t it?” _It quipped.

“What are you doing here? I told you to stay away!” Ed snapped, trying to wave it away.

_“I mean,”_ it continued, ignoring Ed entirely. _“You let him hold your hand and everything. Not exactly conducive to a budding reputation.”_

“Like I care about Oswald’s reputation,” Ed scoffed. “Might I remind you, I’m killing him. It’s only a matter of time.” He nodded. “My love is just for show.”

_“Really?”_ The spectre raised an eyebrow. _“Because I was talking about **your** reputation, not his.”_

“...Oh,” Ed swallowed thickly, unclenching his fists.

_“Wow, defensive **and** incomprehensive, would you look at that!”_ It clapped its hands together with a grin. _“Pengy had a little Ed whose love was ‘just for show’. And everywhere that Pengy went, his Ed was sure to go.”_

“Would you leave me alone?” Ed snapped, walking around his desk to take a seat. “I have work to do.”

_“Oh, of course, **The Heist**, TM. Wouldn’t want to get behind on that, now, would you,”_ his other self mused, walking around to Ed’s side of the table. _“Unless, of course, if it’s to have lunch with your pretend boyfriend.”_

“Just drop it, okay,” Ed hissed, hands moving amongst his paperwork without selecting anything.

_“Why should I?”_ his other self asked. _“I am, essentially you, so if you really wanted me to drop it, I would have done so already.”_

“Really?” Ed smirked. He concentrated on washing the mirage away, closing his eyes. When he opened them again, the spectre was gone.

“At last,” Ed muttered, searching his desk-drawer for his plastic diamond. “Now; it’s time to get to work.”

?¿?¿?

“Sorry, I’m late,” Ed apologized, rushing to take the seat to Oswald’s right, adjusting his glasses on the way. “What did I miss?”

He suddenly noticed the tense silence hanging in the air as he looked between Oswald and Mr. Sturgess respectfully. It seemed the meeting had gotten off to a rocky start.

“Tell me, Ed,” Oswald began, sabre-toothed sarcasm tinging his tone as he cocked his head, “If you were planning to expel the Mayor of Gotham city from office, what is the one thing you would refrain from doing?”

_Oh._

“Telling the Mayor,” Ed replied gravely, turning his head to glare at Mr. Sturgess.

“Bingo!” Oswald exclaimed, clicking and pointing at Ed with a bitter smile. “It’s nice to see that at least one of the men I’m having dinner with this evening is intelligent enough to use his knife and fork.” He turned to Mr. Sturgess, pouting mockingly. “As it is, I think we should replace your order of steak with the onion soup so that you can use a spoon. It's really for the best.” 

Mr Sturgess sputtered, his face growing red as he stood up from his seat furiously.

“–Oh, you’re quite right! It may be better if you just left entirely. I’m glad to see there’s still hope for you yet.” Oswald smirked, teeth flashing. Fists clenching, Mr Sturgess pointed one knobbly finger at Oswald threateningly.

“I… You…” He hissed, struggling ineptly to settle on a choice of words. Finally accepting his inability to articulate a clear sentence, he turned and marched from the room, heading for the front desk to grab his coat.

“I feel that Mr. Sturgess just displayed his exact IQ with that sentence alone,” Ed laughed, leaning back in his chair to watch the older man leave. “Do you want me to deal with this, or..?”

“I’ll get Gabe on it since Victor’s out,” Oswald assured him, hand already buried deep in his pocket in search of his phone. 

“Victor’s out?”

“Helping Falcone with a certain detective I believe.” Oswald grinned smugly.

“Ah yes,” Ed nodded to him, turning his attention to the menu he’d snagged from another table. He read the contents of the steak, wrinkling his nose. He scanned the rest of the meals, selecting the most appetizing option.

“Excuse me,” he called, getting a passing waitress’s attention.

“Is everything okay?” She asked, stopping next to their table.

“Oh, it’s,” Ed waved his hand dismissively, “–fine. But would it be okay if we changed our order? I’d much rather have the cannelloni than the steak.”

“Oh,” her gaze strayed to Oswald, who was talking hushed tones into the phone, with clear recognition in her eyes. “I think that should be fine. I’ll try to send it at the same time as your other order, b-but I’m not sure…”

“It’s fine,” Ed told her, smiling genially before dropping it as she walked away.

“Well, that’s done,” Oswald sighed, snapping his phone shut as he met Ed’s gaze. “Gabe says that an accident will befall poor Mr. Sturgess by the end of tomorrow. How unfortunate.”

“Only tomorrow?” Ed questioned. That would be plenty of time for foul play.

“Don’t worry about it, he’ll be lulled into a false sense of comfort.” Oswald sat back in his chair with the air of a cat lazing after killing a rat. Ed furrowed his brow, still sceptical, but eventually let it go, choosing to trust Oswald’s judgement.

“You’re quite polite for a man who has murdered several people,” Oswald noted, breaking the relative silence between them.

“What?” Ed questioned, hating the flush that was crawling up his neck.

“Earlier, with the waitress,” Oswald told him. Ed furrowed his brow. “Don’t think I didn’t see how you treated her.”

_“Aww, he noticed,”_ his other self giggled, appearing behind Oswald’s chair with a manic smile. Fuck. _“Bippity–boppity–boo, Oswald’s in love with you!”_

Ed cleared his throat, trying desperately to focus on Oswald and not the figure behind him drawing anatomically incorrect love-hearts in the air. “I-I was a waiter in university.”

“Oh, really?” Oswald asked, seemingly interested. The other Ed pressed a delighted kiss on the top of his head.

“Y-Yes,” Ed watched with wide eyes as his other self began licking at Oswald’s ear, biting at it between his two front teeth, “I-I’m afraid you’ll have to– have to excuse me for a-a moment, I-I need to use the restroom.” Ed bolted, not waiting for a response.

He panted hard as he closed the bathroom door behind him. Oh _god._ Leaning back against the door, he pushed his fingers beneath his glasses and tried to _breathe_.

_“Wow!”_ Ed snarled, turning to see that _thing _watching him from the mirror. _“For a guy who was terrible in Gym class, you sure can walk fast.”_

Ed pointed a shaky finger at the glass, his breaths hissing out as he seethed. “Stop following me.”

_“Would you prefer that I followed someone else?”_ It snarked. _“Come now Eddie, you know the rules never change; you need to admit why I’m here if you want to fix things. Until then, you're stuck with me.”_

“Well–” Edward began, only to be cut off by his phone ringing.

_“Is it him? Is he worried?”_ the spectre asked, clapping his hands excitedly.

“It's Barbara. Again,” Ed told him, rolling his eyes. “You know you get it wrong every time.” He snapped the phone open and turned away before the reflection could respond. “Hello, Barbara.”

“Ed, so glad to hear from you! How are things?” Barbara greeted as if _he_ was the one that called_ her_.

“Barbara, why are you checking up on me again? It’s been a _day_,” Ed drawled.

“Actually, it's been like thirty-two hours, but who cares?” Barbara laughed again, sounding more sinister than friendly.

“Did Tabitha and Butch put you up to this?” Ed asked, rather tired all of a sudden.

“Eddie, we just want to know what's going on. We worry about you,” Barbara simpered with an audible pout. 

Ed glanced to the mirror, scowling as his reflection gave him two big thumbs up. “Things are fine. Everything is going exactly to plan.”

“Aww, it's so cute to hear you talk about your boyfriend like that,” Barbara gushed with faux endearment. “Give me deets, whatever's good, though I know better now than to ask you about the sex.”

Heat flooded Ed's cheeks; he pressed his lips together and inhaled slowly.

“Oh my god, you actually slept together? That's hilarious!” Barbara crowed, her voice coming out loud and sharp through the phone receiver.

Ed pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek before sighing. “It was just part of the plan.”

“Oh really?” Barbara scoffed. “If all plans involved sex, maybe I'd become a scheming little bitch like you.”

“I– I am _not–_” Ed floundered.

“Yeah, I don't really care,” Barbara sighed. “So what’ve you got planned for tonight? Round two? Maybe you'll actually make it to the _bed _this time!”

Ed grit his teeth, his hand clenching around the phone. “If you must know, I… I have a heist planned for this evening. In fact, I could use some back up if you're interested in being _helpful _for once.”

“Sure, I'll send one of the girls,” she told him dismissively. “Why a heist though? And how does it have anything to do with Oswald?”

“The heist is part of my plan. I'm going after the Fiona Diamond about to go on display in the Gotham Museum. There will be a mix-up with the GCPD security-detail later this evening, caused by yours truly, of course.” Ed clicked his tongue. “Once I have it, I’ll plant it in Oswald’s possession. He won't suspect anything sinister; it’ll just be one more thing I did to prove my undying love for him. And when the time is right, you’ll issue an anonymous tip to the GCPD that Oswald stole the diamond and we’ll watch together Oswald’s reputation is burned to the ground.”

Barbara huffed, the noise cracking through the receiver. “Why are you even doing this? I mean, are you sure you really want to go to all this trouble? Wouldn’t it just be easier to wipe him off the earth one big sweep?”

“I told you,” Ed ground out, his irritation levels rising. “I don’t want to _kill_ him, I want to destroy him.”

“What does that even mean?”

“You know what?” Ed snapped, “Send backup, don’t send backup, _I don’t care_. Just stop questioning my methods of revenge. Aren’t you the woman who dressed up in a wedding dress and paraded around with a shotgun as an act of revenge against Jim Gordon and Lee Thompkins?”

“True,” Barbara allowed. “But that was only for one night, and I was going to kill them at the end.”

“Whatever,” Ed hissed.

“What time do you want backup at the museum?” Barbara asked.

“Eleven-thirty. Don’t let your girl be late.”

“Will do,” Barbara chirped, and Ed snapped the phone shut, effectively hanging up.

_“Wow,”_ Ed turned back sharply to glare at the reflection. _“It seems even Barbara knows what’s up. Funny that.”_

“Shut. Up.” Ed was sick of him.

_“I wonder what Oswald’s gonna say when you go back out there,”_ his other self mused, leaning up against the glass as if in deep thought.

“I’ve got it covered,” Ed told him. “Now, you can happily disappear so I can enjoy the rest of my meal.”

_“Of course,”_ the reflection assured him, placing a hand on his chest as he tilted his head, snake-like. _“Wouldn’t want to ruin your precious dinner.”_

Ed took one more moment to scowl at him before turning and exiting the bathroom. He made his way back to their table, flopping back down in his seat. “Sorry; the office called. They want me to come in tonight,” Ed told him, smiling inwardly at the brilliance of his excuse.

“Really?” Oswald asked. “Would they like me to come in too?”

“No, no!” Ed assured him. “It’s more a Chief of Staff thing, it shouldn’t bother you at all.”

“Well, it probably will bother me if it’s taking you away from me, but work is work, I suppose,” Oswald sighed, fidgeting with his fork. It seemed his meal had arrived at some point while Ed was in the bathroom. How long had he been in there? “What time do you have to head back?”

“Sometime after ten,” Ed told him vaguely.

“Good. I’ll have you to myself for a few hours,” Oswald smirked, peering up at him through his eyelashes.

“Certainly,” Ed nodded.

The waitress arrived then, carrying Ed’s cannelloni on her tray.

“Here you are, sir. Sorry that it’s a bit late,” she apologized nervously.

“Actually, that was perfect timing,” he told her, pulling up another polite smile. “Thank you very much. We’ll call you if we need anything.”

The waitress bobbed her head before hurrying away. Ed turned back to see Oswald watching him with an indulgent smile.

“And I bet you pay more than fifteen percent tip,” Oswald gushed, batting his eyelashes falsely.

“Oh, hush, you,” Ed admonished, nudging the man with his shoulder

“Never,” Oswald quipped back.

Ed smiled at him, quietly enchanted by his mischievous smile and dancing, pale eyes. It occurred to him that this wouldn’t last forever, He won’t be able to see Oswald like this; under the glow of candlelight and restaurant conversation. It was only a matter of time before Oswald would be dead and gone.

He cursed under his breath because why the hell did that make him sad?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Any and all comments/kudos are greatly appreciated. Wishing everyone a happy day/night


	4. The Most Dangerous People are Liars Who Think They are Telling the Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> W̶̨̧͈̮̣̤͓̰̝̟̓e̵͙̤͍̦̍̏̽̈́͊̐͒̕̕͜

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut warning! Thank you everyone who's reading this. It's so nice to know people are still out here getting excited for my fics. More chapters soon, hopefully! Enjoy a brilliant day!

“Bedroom?” Ed asked, breaking the feverish kiss to meet Oswald’s eyes.

“Bedroom,” Oswald agreed with a firm nod, turning and leading the way – Ed following eagerly behind him. They’d been all over each other the entire ride back, kissing and pressing their bodies together, control slipping dangerously through their fingers.

Oswald grinned up at him as they reached his bedroom, pulling Ed down by his tie to place a cheeky kiss at the corner of his mouth. “You’re always so fucking gorgeous, Ed,” he said, the words whisking by Ed’s ear and making him shiver. They stumbled through the door to Oswald’s bed – Ed having to right his glasses several times so they didn’t fall off his nose. Oswald seemed reluctant to let go of him, hands grabbing and pulling at Ed’s shirtfront and hair, making Ed moan as he continued to attack his lips with his own.

“I need you inside me, Ed,” Oswald whined against his lips, hands pulling harder.

“Yes,” Ed agreed with conviction. Oswald grinned at him, and Ed found himself falling backwards onto the bed with a grunt. “Wha–” but Oswald quickly shushed him, climbing onto the bed to settle over his lap.

“I want to see you,” Oswald explained in a hushed whisper, running his hands tantalizingly down the front of Ed’s shirt before finally starting to undo his buttons. Edward struggled to control his breathing as Oswald peppered kisses down his heaving chest, moving lower and lower as more buttons came undone and his skin was revealed.

Ed needed to focus; to maintain a clear head, but the task seemed impossible with Oswald above him, stroking and caressing his skin like he _belonged_ to him, pushing the shirt off his shoulders like Ed’s body didn’t deserve to be hidden and clothed. Ed gasped as one Oswald’s hands strayed even lower, barely brushing over the hard line of his cock through his trousers. Ed’s hips snapped up, his head tipping back as he groaned in agony, newfound desperation filling him.

_“Just give in,”_ that voice whispered, words ghosting over Ed’s ear.

“Please!” he begged, hands searching for something to anchor in, fingers twisting into the bedding beneath him and Oswald’s hair respectively.

“Of course,” Oswald murmured obligingly – Ed sighing in relief as hands _finally _undid his belt, the sigh turning into a keen as Oswald’s fingers reached inside to cup him through his briefs. The heel of his hand pressed deliciously against his shaft. “Where’d the lube get to? I need it.”

“Oh.” Ed sat up, opening his eyes as he searched for any signs of the tube. “Hang on.” He dropped to the floor, shucking his trousers and resting on his knees as he looked behind the nightstand. He growled when it wasn’t there.

“I like seeing you on your hands and knees,” Oswald commented slyly, leaning over the bed to peer down at him.

“I found it!” Ed crowed, snatching the tube up. “It must have rolled under the bed at some point.” He rolled back into position on the bed.

“Good boy,” Oswald praised, making Ed flush as he handed the lube over. Pushing himself up onto his elbows, he leaned in for a kiss, but Oswald denied him with a shake of his head and a grin, instead moving back off the bed to stand at the foot of it while dropping the lube on the covers. Ed opened his mouth in protest, affronted that Oswald hadn’t responded, but affront quickly turned to arousal as he watched Oswald slowly remove his necktie. He flung it at Ed’s head teasingly, making Ed pause to adjust his glasses, before he began to remove every article of clothing intricately, smoothing away the fabric as one smooths away creases in a bedsheet.

Oswald’s naked skin gleamed in the bedroom’s tungsten light, the orange tinge contrasting the pale blue-green-grey of his eyes. He then crawled up the bed until he was on top of Edward again, batting away his hands when Ed tried to help him lest he strained his leg. _Finally_, Oswald kissed him, rolling his tongue into Ed’s mouth until he was melting into the mattress, desperately pulling him down with him.

Ed whimpered as Oswald pulled back, hands clutching at his shoulders and hair as he tried to reconnect their lips.

“Hush, darling,” Oswald whispered, gently easing Ed’s hands away. Ed let him, soothed despite his desperate need to have Oswald close. “I’ve got you.” Penguin’s hand came up, slowly easing off Ed’s briefs, making him arch in contentment as he was finally freed. Oswald’s hand wrapped around his shaft, pulling long and slow until Ed couldn’t control himself, whispering garbled sentences into an arm thrown over his face as he struggled to breathe.

“Shh, shh,” Oswald’s hand went away, moving instead to stroke through his hair – making Ed sigh as he came back from the brink. “Good boy.” He pulled away again, dragging the flats of his palms down Ed’s chest, a gasp escaping him as he brushed over the sensitive skin of his nipples. Blinking the spots from his eyes, he turned his gaze from the ceiling to focus on what Oswald was doing once more. He’d grabbed the lube and was warming a portion of it by rubbing it between his fingers. Ed held his breath as Oswald leant forward, planting one hand beside Ed’s head while the other reached behind.

Ed gasped as Oswald’s eyelids fluttered shut and he let out a long, guttural moan. Oswald’s hand– it could only be doing one thing, something that made Ed want to flip the man over and immediately pound into him like a dog in heat.

“Oh my,” he murmured, watching Oswald’s twisting expression of pleasure as he pushed down and back onto his fingers. “Oh my.” His cock was throbbing with want, the urge to reach out and touch Oswald powerful enough to make him actually lift his hands, only for them to fall back down after an especially heated glare from his lover.

“_God_,” Oswald groaned, the muscles in his arm that Ed could see visibly rippling as he did _something_. Oswald moaned again, dropping his chin to press his forehead to Ed’s chest. Ed noted the position, smiling to himself.

“If you had both your hands forward, you could be doing the Sujud prayer position right now.”

“What?” Oswald gasped, moving into a groan as he sat back up and pushed himself down further onto his fingers, Ed’s stomach twisting with desire at the sight.

“There are actually different names for it; Sujud, Sahasrara, Sajdah–” Ed’s hands clamped down on the covers beside him as he searched for something to distract himself from the delectable mess Oswald had become above him.

“Stop, Ed!” Oswald hissed, eyes almost rolling back as his arm moved again. “Do you– do you really wanna– want to talk about–about _this_, r-right now when I’m… When I’m…”

“Don’t worry, we can talk about it later,” Ed promised, biting his tongue to keep his hips from snapping up to chase friction. Oswald pushed his face back into Ed’s chest with a groan, making Ed smile helplessly as he lifted a hand to stroke his hair, tugging at it lightly. Oswald mumbled something incomprehensible into his skin.

“Could you repeat that?” Ed asked politely.

“Ugh, I think I’m ready,” Oswald groaned, pushing back up. Ed’s heart stuttered excitedly as he immediately sat up, accidentally knocking Oswald backwards in the process.

“Good! I’ll get into position!”

“You were in position,” Oswald told him, calm and firm in equal measures. “Lay back down.”

“R-really?” Ed asked.

“Of course,” Oswald told him, smiling when Ed relented and allowed himself to be pushed back down. “I’m going to ride you.”

“Oh,” Ed murmured, mouth suddenly dry as the picture of what could come swam in his mind; Oswald bouncing up and down on his lap, moaning like a wild thing as Ed slowly brought him off with one hand. He shook his head, quickly dispersing the image. “A-are you sure? What about your leg?”

“I’ll be fine,” Oswald hissed, and Ed watched wide-eyed as he slowly eased his fingers out, gasping at the loss before hungrily meeting Ed’s gaze. His hand brushed Ed’s hip and he gasped at the simple touch; his body ripe and oversensitive. He seemed to have relocated the lube, uncapping it before pouring more onto his palm. Ed groaned, arching his back like an archer’s bow as Oswald’s warm hand wrapped around his shaft, coating him with the viscous substance with long, firm strokes. He whined, not even sure what it was he wanted except _more_ and _now_.

“I’ve got you,” Oswald whispered, shuffling further up the bed with his other hand leveraging him. Ed brought his hands up, trying to rest them on his shoulders, but Oswald hissed “No!” and moved them palm-up onto the covers again before pinning them with his knees. Aside from wiggling his fingers, Ed couldn’t move his hands any more, leaving him virtually defenceless. He felt an inexplicable burst of arousal at the thought, his cock throbbing as he got closer and closer to finally having Oswald wrapped around him.

Oswald’s hand wrapped around his shaft again as he slowly guided himself down, the two of them groaning and crying out as Oswald impaled himself on Ed’s cock. Lights flashed behind Ed’s shut eyelids as he tried to breathe through the pleasure, quickly muttering the periodic table by alphabetical, rather than numerical, order.

And then, far too soon, Oswald began to move.

“Oh–oh dear!” Ed cried, his breathing choked and ragged as he tried to remain composed. “I-I won’t last.”

“Good,” Oswald growled. Oswald leant down to kiss him, changing the angle and making him groan against Ed’s lips. Ed moaned back, pressing his tongue inside Oswald’s mouth to mimic the rhythm of their bodies. They soon had to break away to catch their breath, gasping against each other’s lips as Oswald continued to ride up and down, rolling his hips through his groans. Ed’s nails chewed at Oswald’s knees, his desperation clouding his concern for Oswald’s leg in a momentary lapse of judgement.

“Stop that,” Oswald snarled, one hand gripping the hair at the back of Ed’s head and pulling the hair there to the point of pain.

“Ah, ah,” Ed gasped, the pain and pleasure colliding like a gas-phase chemical reaction, creating something new that sent him soaring. “S-sorry.”

“Sure,” Oswald replied. His hands moved to grip Ed’s shoulders, kneading the muscle. His pace began to quicken, jaw hanging open even as his eyes scrunched closed. Ed’s hips canted with him, his chest shivering as he thrust upwards, some kind of explosion building there.

“Oswald, I-I’m close,” Ed whispered, more heat flushing his cheeks.

“Good.” Oswald’s weight shifted onto one hand as the other dropped down and he took a hold of himself with a muttered curse. Ed watched with helplessly wide eyes as Oswald rocked back and forth between his fist and Ed’s cock.

“Say it again,” Ed breathed.

Mortified, he cast his gaze away, desperately wishing his hands were free so he could cover his face with them.

“Look at me, Ed.” After a few moments, Oswald stilled, forcing Edward to look up at him again in order to regain that delicious friction. “Ed, I told you before; anything you want, anything at all; it’s yours.”

_At least one of us are sticking to our promises,_ his mind whispered.

“Tell me–” _Lie to me._ “Tell me I’m–”_ Make it good so, for once, I’ll believe it._ “N-nobody talks about me the way you do.”

“Ed, you _deserve_ this. More than you know,” Oswald told him. There was something in his eyes, it captured Ed’s head and pulled at his heart and he found himself nodding, believing. “You’re so good, Edward, so good inside me.” Oswald rocked backwards and Ed gasped, his spine tingling as it arched.

“Oswald,” he breathed, eyes squeezing shut.

“Ed, I–” Oswald broke off with a groan, his hand sneaking back down between them to return to his cock. “God, you feel so good.”

“M-more,” Ed gasped, and he shouldn’t want it, not really, but it was an all-consuming craving and sometimes addicts relapse.

“You look perfect like this.” Oswald was slowly shifting backwards and forwards again, regaining their earlier rhythm. “A complete dream. Better than what I’ve imagined.”

“You’ve–you’ve… _imagined?_” Ed asked, his voice breaking into a whine as Oswald squeezed around him.

“An angel in my sheets,” Oswald explained breathily, lifting and dropping his hips in earnest now. “_God_, you always made me so hard.”

“Oswald,” Ed whined, hips bucking up as he tried not to claw at Oswald’s knees again. “I-I’m–”

“_Yes_,” Oswald hissed, eyes slipping shut as he seemingly lost himself in the sensations. He bounced furiously, skin smacking loudly as Ed’s walls dissipated and he was reduced to moaning relentlessly, the sound rising and falling like waves on the shore.

Oswald’s hand was moving faster and faster, twisting and pulling until; “Ed, you can– you– please, come for me.”

And he did, back arching up, thighs trembling, breaths stuttering, heart thundering, muscles tensing. Tension shot through, striking him like a lightning bolt. The world narrowed like a bullet, tunnelling his vision, kaleidoscoping his heartbeat. He stayed there; seconds or hours – he couldn’t tell – until he found himself sighing and sinking into the covers beneath him.

“Ed? Edward?” Oswald gently called, bringing his senses back from the clouds and into the present.

“Oswald,” he croaked, the corner of his lips pulling up in as much of a smile as he could manage.

“Are you okay?” A hand brushed over his cheek before smoothing back a lock of his hair.

“Yes,” he whispered, blinking a little to keep the world in focus.

“Are your hands sore?”

“A little numb,” Ed admitted, flexing his fingers ever so slightly.

“Here.” Oswald took his hands in his own, gently kneading the joints with a soft smile on his face.

He struggled to clear his throat. “What about you? Is your leg alright?”

“I’ve got some codeine right here,” Oswald assured him, continuing to massage his hands. 

“Good,” he whispered. He was melting into the soothing press of bedsheets, slowly losing himself to the world.

“What time do you have to leave, again?”

“Huh?” Oh. Ed had actually forgotten. “I have to be there close to eleven.”

“Why so late?” 

Ed’s mind scattered like scrabble pieces for a minute before he could form words again. “Wh-who’s to say? They said it was important.”

“Well, you be careful, alright?” He actually sounded worried.

“Of course!” Ed chirped. “What could possibly go wrong?”

?¿?¿?

“Well, it took you long enough.” Ed had just stepped out of the car, GCPD uniform pulling at his shoulders where it was slightly tight. Gotham’s cheap streetlights buzzed overhead, threatening to pop at any moment.

“_Tabitha?_” he groaned. “Barbara sent you?”

“Look, you asked for backup, and I'm here,” Tabitha snapped. “Can we just get this thing over with so I can get back to bed before the sun rises, hmm?”

“Absolutely.” Ed gave her a single nod and she returned it; they both had places to be–

_“It shall be said; Ed needs to return to Oswald’s bed!”_

–So they were committed to working together so they could get this done as quickly as possible.

“What do you need me to do?” Tabitha asked, folding her arms.

“Wear this.” Ed unzipped the front pocket of the bag he was carrying, indicating a GCPD uniform which matched his own.

“I was wondering what was with the get-up,” Tabitha remarked.

“The plan is simple,” Ed continued, ignoring her. “The special task force believes they're handing the diamond over to two police officers at Twelve o'clock. The GCPD believe they're receiving it at Twelve Thirty. That gives us a half-hour window to receive the diamond, replace it with a fake, change into the special ops uniforms, hand over the fake diamond to the GCPD, and make it home for at least four hours sleep before we start our respective days.”

“Cool,” Tabitha commented, snatching the uniform. Without shame, she began unbuttoning her shirt.

“It won't fit perfectly, mind you,” Ed continued breezily, not at all phased. “I had no idea who Barbara would send.”

Tabitha pulled on the shirt, smoothing it down with her manicured nails. It was a little too small around her chest but otherwise fine. “I think this suits me,” she concluded. “Now, how do you want to play this?”

“I think you need to do all the talking,” he said. “I'm too recognisable, whereas–”

“They'll be too busy staring at my boobs to notice my face,” Tabitha concluded with a grin.

“Well, not what I was going to say...” He was actually going for the ‘not being famous’ route. “But whatever works for you.” Ed got back into the car, resting his fingers on the steering wheel. It was one of the many all-black mayoral cars and Ed had easily acquired it, thinking it looked as close to a high-class security van as one could get. After a few minutes, Tabitha joined him, sighing as she adjusted the belt he’d given her with her pants.

“Anything else?” She asked.

“Identification.” Ed held up hers whilst patting his own pocket to show he had his own. It had only taken a surprisingly easy trip down to the license registry to procure them, given Ed’s already extensive knowledge regarding the GCPD and its procedures. Crime was too easy in this town. “You are playing the role of ‘Riley Adams’ for this round, which makes me ‘Steve Smith’. I figured you should have a gender-neutral name, just in case.”

“Smart move.” Tabitha nodded. Ed couldn’t tell if she was being sarcastic or not.

“After that, you become ‘Sky Odair’ and I’m ‘Alec Lightwood’,” Ed concluded, patting the bag’s pocket to show where their next IDs were waiting for them. “But first, let me give you your badge.” Ed dug through the bag, locating the matching badge set – things he’d pilfered and kept from his time working with the GCPD against the Red Hood gang a few months back.

“Anything else?” Tabitha asked, raising her eyebrow. That was _definitely_ sarcasm.

“Nope, we’re good,” Ed told her sharply. “Got our SWAT helmets in the back and some GCPD caps if we need ‘em. All should go according to plan.”

And it did for the most part. They made the exchange with the special task force, they weren’t recognised, let alone suspected.

And then Ed was standing there in his all-black ensemble, holding the fake diamond in his hand, completely losing his mind.

_“Tell me why we’re doing this, again?” _

“We’re doing it because it’s part of the plan, and the plan is important,” Ed told it matter-of-factly. “Why do you care, anyway? You usually love it when I’m reckless.”

_“Yes, of course, but only when you know why you’re doing it.”_

“I know why I’m doing it. I just told you why I’m doing it,” Ed reminded it. “Would you please just give it a rest?”

_“You say ‘doing it’ in the present tense, yet, right now, you’re not doing anything.”_

“Well, maybe if you left me alone, I could concentrate,” Ed hissed.

“Is everything going alright back there?” Tabitha called from her position at the steering wheel. They had waited a while for the ops team to go back the way they came, before following them and finding a place to wait before they ‘arrived’ again.

“Yes, don’t worry,” Ed called. “What time is it?”

“Twelve-twenty, we still have time,” Tabitha replied.

Ed carefully extracted his glove, blowing on it to make sure there was no dust. Pulling it on, he carefully opened his box and the diamond’s new home.

_“You’re really doing this, then?”_

“Yes. I’m really doing this,” Ed told him. He carefully extracted the diamond, being careful not to dirty it in the tiniest amount, before guiding it to the box.

_“Wasn’t it great when he was screaming your name?”_ It sudden asked, voice turning husky; _“So good, Edward, so good inside of me.”_ A perfect imitation.

Ed swore, his hand slipping and almost dropping the diamond before he caught it at the last second.

“You all good, Nygma?” Tabitha asked again.

“Fine,” Ed grit out, refocusing as he gently laid the diamond to rest in the box. The velvet lining and cushioned plate were just perfect. Carefully, he placed it in the safe beneath the car’s floor, a luxury item found in most of Oswald’s cars, much to Ed’s luck. Even if the GCPD did recognise them, Ed and Tabitha would still leave with the diamond.

_“Tell me.”_ Ed looked up at the suddenly serious tone in the figure’s voice. _“Was this really to add to your revenge? Or did you just want to impress him?”_

Ed’s heart thumped and his skin crawled, his teeth grinding together like train-brakes.

“Go. Away.” With a sad nod, the spectre disappeared. Trying to keep his hands from shaking, Ed replaced the crude plastic diamond, nestling it gently in its spot. It was the perfect size – sold as an imitation in anticipation for the upcoming exhibit. Along with Ed’s little addition, it was the perfect mockery.

He snapped the case shut, locking it and checking it twice to be sure before setting it down again. He opened the door outside, gasping at the chill in the air before switching places with Tabitha.

The rest of the plan went off without a hitch, fake Russian accent and all. The GCPD officers never even bothered looking him in the eye.

“I don’t know whether Oswald will try to sell it or not, but I’ll put some money in the Siren’s account under an anonymous donor for your work tonight,” Ed told Tabitha as they prepared to part ways.

“Thanks.” She smiled, checking her lipstick in the rearview mirror.

“You know,” Ed began. “You’re not so bad without that dolt following you around.”

“That _is _my boyfriend you’re talking about,” she warned. “But thank you.”

Ed smiled and didn’t say a word as he stopped beside Tabitha’s parked car and sent her on her way – before the sun had risen, as promised. She left with a smirk on her face and a wave of her hand. Ed hadn’t expected anything else.

It was just past one in the morning when Ed pulled into the manor’s garage, twisting his stiff neck and shoulders as he made his way inside the building and straight up the stairs. He paused in his own room, removing the gear and hiding it in some drawers in case he needed it again before selecting some plaid pyjamas. Checking the hallway just in case, he installed the Fiano diamond’s case in his closet. After a quick shower, Ed felt slightly refreshed and warm and ready to try to get a few hours of sleep before work in the morning.

Taking a deep breath, he walked down the hall and carefully opened Oswald’s door. It was dark, the only light coming from the one he’d turned on in the hallway. Mapping out any possible obstacles, Ed shut the door and ensconced himself in the dark, making his way around to what seemed to have become ‘his’ side of the bed. Just as he reached the edge, however, his foot fell on something small and circular, rolling over and causing him to crash face-forward onto the bed.

Ed jolted back up, but it was too late.

“Ed?” Came Oswald’s blurred voice. “Whatcha doin’?” God, he was so cute when he was sleepy.

“J-just, ah,” Ed coughed through his cracking voice. “Just coming back to bed. Sorry, I woke you.”

“Nah, it’s fine.” Oswald turned towards him, nuzzling his pillow with a soft hum. “If you get in, I’ll tell you how to make it up to me.”

“Oh?” Ed croaked, heat already flooding his cheeks and swimming in his gut at whatever prospect Oswald had come up with.

“Nothing like that,” Oswald tutted disapprovingly, and Ed’s automatically looked away in embarrassment even though he couldn’t see anything. “I just wanna hold you, that’s all.”

“Oh.” Ed nodded, lifting up the covers and sliding inside. He turned onto his side, facing Oswald. He could just about make out his outline as his eyes adjusted to the lack of light. “So, how do you want to do this?” 

Oswald hummed thoughtfully. “How opposed are you to being the little spoon?” His hand brushed Edward’s side and he shivered.

“Not opposed at all, I should think,” Ed told him, pushing the quaver out of his voice. “I’ve–I’ve never, so–”

“Good,” Oswald hummed again. Ed let himself smile, blinking in the darkness. He couldn't help but enjoy this time with Oswald. His mind felt much quieter, just laying next to Oswald with nothing to worry about. Even his elusive ‘other-self’ seemed to keep mostly to himself during this time. Which was good because...

Because of the plan. Yes; the plan. Of course, the plan. Just very convenient for the plan and such, that kind of thing, nothing–nothing too much else really, not something he needed to focus on or think about even, perhaps not, no, he could just think of something else and–

“Um, Ed?” 

“Yeah?” Ed mumbled. His thoughts were buzzing so fast he felt like a worker bee, hovering above the bed and out of his body.

“You actually have to turn over to be the little spoon,” Oswald told him.

“Oh, sorry!” Ed blurted, immediately rushing to turn the other way, mentally cursing what must be his over-tiredness.

“No, it's fine,” Oswald chuckled. Arms suddenly wrapped around him, warmth pressed along his back. It felt… nice. “As long as you're here with me.”

Ed bit his lip, his hand idly scratching circles against the sheets by his cheek. This felt… wrong. Something about it was very, very wrong. Ed felt like he’d pushed a knife into Oswald’s throat and he was just sitting there, watching without doing a thing to save him.

_“The betrayal of trust went round and round, round and round, round and round, the betrayal of trust went round and round all through the town.”_

No, no. Ed physically shook his head. This plan was about revenge. Oswald had betrayed him and he deserved to pay for that. Ed wanted him to pay for that.

Biting his tongue, Ed shut his eyes and let sleep pull at him until he was under.

_“You always were the **stupid **one.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, another chapter done! Thank you for reading <3 As usual, any and all comments/kudos are really appreciated. Y'all make my day.


	5. It’s Bad Manners to say “I Love You” With Your Mouth Full of Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> B̷̡̛̦̞̣̮̜̀̐͑͊o̷̼̦͖̪̲̜̱̰͐̚t̸̨͉̗̳͔̪̦͛̂̌̚͜h̷̬̘͎̀̓͐̆

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are excited for another update! I have a major headache, but I'm posting anyway! Yay! If something goes wrong, I'm really sorry, please let me know so I can fix it. Apart from that, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

Edward got up early that morning, despite Oswald's various mumbled protests, determined to get a head-start to the day’s plans. That meant sacrificing extra lie-in cuddle time with Oswald. Oh well. There was always tomorrow.

_“Tomorrow will run out eventually, though, won’t it? And then, where will you be?”_ Ed pushed the cackling from his mind, determined to move forward.

He had a quick shower before heading down to his little home-office area, checking to see that the usual things were in order, paperwork and such – updating little details where necessary. It was all pretext, a way to pass the time while his hands itched to hold the surface of the Fiona Diamond. 

He was an architect, carving out the foundations of his plan in brain matter until the time came to take action.

Eyes darting around, he listened for any stray footsteps outside in the hallway: Quiet as a tomb. Taking his chance, he sneaked along the hallway to the back staircase – the long route back to his room to avoid being seen. Inside, the closet called to him with soft mutterings and murmuring promises.

Ed had to admit it; he was curious about the Hexoctahedral. During yesterday's research, he learnt that the Fiona diamond was once the prized possession of several Eastern emperors during the greater wars. It was said to bestow wisdom in the eyes of the cunning and grant them victory over their enemies.

He’d taken it upon himself to find the perfect box to fit the treasure. Green on the outside and a shade of red on the inside – like Oswald entrails would look once Ed eventually spilled them across the carpet.

_“Or his lips would look stretched around your–”_

Ed snapped the box shut around the diamond and imagined shoving his other-self into the closet and locking the door.

_“**Ironnnny!!!**”_ The voice sang out, muffled by the wood. 

Ed licked his lips, wrapping the box with a purple ribbon –a slip of paper hanging from it– and pushed himself to turn around. He liked this plan, this was a very good plan, and he would follow through with it, whether his pesky shadow liked it or not.

Oswald’s office somehow radiated an air of superiority and simplicity at the same time, consisting mainly of one larger-than-life desk, a throne-like chair and a window looking out towards the hazy, distant city.

Ed sighed, looking at the unfinished paperwork stacked to the right, exactly where he’d left it last time. “I could kill him just over that.”

_“But you won’t.”_

Ed blinked, shook his head and tried to focus, getting on his knees in order to position the box at the perfect centre of the desk. He positioned the tag with Oswald’s name facing up, smiling at himself.

Everything was _perfect._

_“Hey, diddle, diddle, The diamond and the riddle, the bird fell in love with the loon. Barbara laughed to see such fun because it’ll all come crashing down too soon,”_ That voice sang.

Ed hissed; “Could you be quiet just for one–”

“Now, Gabe, how many times have I told you?”

Oswald’s voice – out of nowhere, oh dear, _oh dear_. How had he not heard him approaching?

He heard cackling in his mind and glared at the walls. 

_“What the fuck are you doing? If this is going to work, you can’t let Gabe see you with the package. You do want this to work, **don’t you**?”_

“–Subtlety is an _art_.” 

Ed crawled on his hands and knees, scrambling under the desk, pulling his too-long legs up to his pounding as the doorknob turned.

“Sure, boss,” Gabe’s plodding footsteps followed Oswald’s limp into the room. “So, what you’re saying is…?”

Oswald sighed, his shoes stopping a few feet from Ed’s face. “What I’m saying is _be patient_. If something’s really going on, it’s best we don’t go in there guns blazing in some comical display. What we need are strategy and planning.”

Ed nodded his head with a smirk. Oswald always was the calculating type; a borderline perfectionist and kindred spirit, more than a few steps ahead of everyone else. Ed wouldn’t have asked him to be his mentor if it were any other way.

“Speaking of strategy, where’s Ed?”

“Dunno, boss,” Gabe grumbled. “Haven’t seen him.”

Ed bit his bottom lip, breathing through his nose and hoping the dust under Oswald’s desk wouldn’t make him sneeze. It seemed the maids had been skimping on their duties. He’d have to have a word with Olga.

“Ah, Boss?” Ed bit his tongue, tensing up at Gabriel’s change in tone.

Ed saw Oswald’s feet move to plant themselves more firmly in front of the desk, almost touching the wood with the tip of his shoe. Ed held his breath, hoping he hadn’t been seen; he couldn’t be caught if he wanted this to work.

“What do we have here?” Oswald asked aloud when he stopped, his voice just above Ed’s head, reverberating through the wood.

“I’ll call the squad, have them check it,” Gabriel said, rustling around with something.

“Put that _down_,” Oswald snapped. “You’re dismissed, Gabe. I’ll let you know if I need you.” Oswald’s voice had a completely different tone to his previously suspicious one. It was soft, almost fond. 

Gabe’s heavy steps retreated out the door, finally leaving them alone. Perhaps this wouldn’t be such a disaster after all?

_“I highly doubt that.”_

As the goon’s heavy footsteps faded, Ed could hear Oswald fiddling with something. Paper. He must-

“The more the world presses me, the stronger I become,” he read aloud, “Regarded as a best friend, yet I am born from deep within the Earth where no one can find me. What am I?” The easy laugh that followed let Ed breathe again. “Oh, Ed.” He smiled, ducking his head bashfully even though no one could see it.

_“Oh, don’t worry, I saw.”_

There was a sharp gasp from above and, gosh, it wasn’t enough to just imagine Oswald’s expression.

“Do you like it?” he asked, scrambling out from under the desk. The answer came in the form of a loud shriek and a sharp blade pointed straight to his throat. He clambered backwards until his back hit something, stopping him in his tracks.

“Ed?!” Oswald’s green eyes were wide open and his posture was still stiff but he lowered the blade. “Fuck, Edward, what the hell were you doing down there?”

“I-–”

“And why did you think it was a good idea to pop out like that? I was about to spill your entrails all over my paperwork!” Oswald reproached, his arms moving wildly like a baby bird learning to fly.

“I’m sorry, I just–” Ed rubbed his hands together, focusing on the dry feeling.

“Just be glad that I have some sense of self-control.” Ed looked up to catch him grinning. “_Idiot._”

Ed’s mouth fell open. “Excuse me?”

_“No, no, he’s right.”_ The voice came from behind his shoulder and Ed fought the urge to turn and look. _“You are an idiot.”_

“Ed, do you really think I don’t know what this is?” Oswald’s hand snatched the diamond out of the box, waving it in front of his face. Gosh, it looked even bigger in Oswald’s hand.

“It’s, um–”

“It’s the Fiona Diamond. Worth my life ten times over!” Ed scoffed, shaking his head: Oswald’s life was worth far more than some grubby diamond. “Why the fuck would you risk everything just for this?”

“Why?” Ed frowned, worrying the inside of his lip. “Don’t you like it?”

“Of course, I like it!” Oswald rushed to answer, “I love it, I really do. I’m just – I don’t understand.”

Ed pressed his lips together, trying to remember which was the truth and which was the lie. “I-I stole it for you. Because I wanted to give it to you. Because… because you deserve this.”

_“Old Mayor Cobblepot had a lover, eeh-aye-eeh-aye-ooo.”_

“As flattering as that sentiment is, I still don’t understand.” Oswald shook his head with a sigh. 

_“And did that lover tell a lie, eeh-aye-eeh-aye-ooo?”_

“You steal this... for _me _apparently, and you come in here to hide beneath my…” Oswald gestured with an exasperated sigh, “–desk for some reason?” 

_“Yes; with a lie over here and a lie over there!”_

Oswald cocked his head at him, expression pained. “How long were you under there?” 

“Not long,” Ed stated, steadying his voice

_“Here a lie, there a lie, everywhere a lie–lie!”_

“Still, Ed, you know I care for you but this is just…” Oswald sighed again, walking forward to place his hands on Ed’s arms. “I’m just a little worried, that’s all.”

“Why? I’m fine.” Ed crossed his arms, dislodging Oswald’s hands.

_“Old Mayor Cobblepot had a liar, eeh-aye-eeh-aye-ooo.” _The voice was singing so incredibly loud, it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand.

“Ed, are you sure about that?” Oswald placed his hand on his cheek and it stung. “You have been acting kind of strange lately.” _Strange?_ “I mean, I understand losing Isabella was upsetting to you.” _Strange?_ “But you’ve been very stressed lately.” Ed was not _strange_. “You changed your mind so rapidly about me.” If that was what Oswald really thought, then maybe he _deserved_ to die. “And you’ve been so clingy when I’m around. Normally, that would be fine, but something feels off about–”

“Oswald. _**Stop**_.” Ed’s throat caught fire and the two stopped short. Even Ed felt a little taken aback. Where the hell had that voice come from? He hadn’t spoken like that to anyone for a very long time.

He couldn’t bear the concerned expression on Oswald’s face, moving his gaze to the side where the box still sat, his riddle laying beside it. No. Just no. “I should get going.” His lips twisted into something he wished was a smile. His eyes were stinging. “I’ve so much work to do!” He laughed.

“Ed–”

“Don’t worry,” Ed slipped out of the cage Oswald had put him in, heading for the door. “I’m sure I’ll get it all done on time. A-and then we can make some plans for tonight. Unless you’re busy, of course,” Ed moulded a smile from clay and threw it over his shoulder for Oswald’s one-handed catch. “Wouldn’t want to be clingy!”

He shut the door before Oswald could reply.

_Darn it._ He’d let it get to him. Ed could feel it under his skin, a buzzing feeling like there were wasps trapped in his cells, burning him up with their venom. 

_Darn it, darn it._ He stalked down the hallway, hands locked in fists, jaw clenched tight. His office wasn’t too far away, and he was happy to run inside and close the door as the world turned blurry. _Gosh darn it, gosh darn it._

_“Well, fuck me!”_ Ed turned to glare at the apparition lounging on his desk, picking at its fingernails futilely. It cocked its head. _“Who knew it, Ed? You actually care!”_

“No, I don’t.” Ed worried the inside of his lip and looked back at the door.

_“I’m just kidding, of course. I knew you cared all along.”_

Ed turned around, taking a threatening step forward. “I don’t, I _don’t!_”

_“Oh dear, Eddie, are you full of bull? Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full.” _The spectre sang, throwing something in the air and catching it in time to the beat. _“One for the denial, one for the shame, and one for the little guilt that swallows down the pain.”_

“That one doesn't even make sense!” Ed spat. The spectre just shrugged, twisting that copper thing around in its fingers. “What are you holding?”

_“It’s a penny!”_ It threw the penny up in the air again, catching it neatly. _“Now, tell me, Ed.”_ – threw it up in the air again, catching it. _“What’s your plan this time?”_ Threw it, then caught it.

“What do you mean?”

_“Come on, Eddie.”_ It scoffed, threw the penny, caught it. _“You know. The Big Plan.”_ Up in the air, then caught it. _“How are you going to get yourself out of this one?”_

Oh dear.

“Oh dear,” Ed rasped, ignoring the figure’s eye-roll. He’d freaked out in front of Oswald. Surely Oswald would begin to suspect him even more. “Oh dear.”

Which would mean Ed would have to kill him.

_“**Please**, just say fuck.”_

“Shut up!” Ed blocked his ears with his hands. “Shut up, I have to think.” Ed’s mind was buzzing – no thoughts, no words, no planning, no escapes; just static. 

_“Itsy-bitsy liar claimed his love with a shout,” _the thing recited, twirling its penny._ “Down came Barbara to call poor liar out.” _It grinned, teeth vampiric,_ “Out came the truth to fill the liar with shame!” _it threw the penny and caught it._ “And the itsy-bitsy liar never told a lie again.”_

“Shut up! Shut up! This is fine, it's fine, we're safe, it's okay, he doesn't know!” Ed closed his, tried to make his brain think, but it just clinked and clanked like a machine full of pennies.

_“You don’t have a plan,” _it scoffed, too loud, _too loud_. _“You’ve just been delaying the inevitable.”_

“Shut _up!_”

“_Face it, Eddie,”_ it sighed. _“You’re in love with–”_

“Ed?” His voice came muffled through Ed’s hands like he was standing above the surface of the water and Ed was _drowning_. “Are you okay?”

_“God, I can’t believe he followed you.”_

“Shush,” Ed hissed, pressing his hands tighter over his ears, squeezing his skull.

“Ed?”

_“He’s **so **in love with you.”_

“SHUT UP!” Ed shouted, pulling his hands away and opening his eyes. Oswald stared back at him.

“Edward?” Oh dear. “Can you hear me?”

“Y-yeah,” Ed’s vocal cords scratched out.

Oswald cradled Ed’s face in his hands gently, as if he were some fragile thing with cracks beneath his paintwork. Ed let out a sigh, his shoulders sagging. He wasn’t crazy and he would not let himself break.

“Just… focus on me, Ed. I’m here for you.”

He scoffed a laugh, shaking his head lightly in Oswald’s grasp. Yes, Oswald was there; his pale skin glowing as ever, his freckles barely visible under the make-up, his feathered hair done in that unique style no one could imitate. He did have that habit of capturing Ed’s attention

“Oh, Oswald,” Ed remarked, throat dry, “How could I focus on anything else?” Kissing, killing – the line was getting blurry. Oswald’s lips twitched like he wanted to smile, but that worried crease in his brow remained. “I’m fine, Oswald.”

“No, you’re not,” Oswald replied sadly. “Or, at least not as fine as you’re pretending to be.” Ed felt the corners of his mouth twitch down uncontrollably, and he had to look away from those sea-glass eyes to keep from collapsing. “Have I done something to cause this? Because if I have, I promise you, I’ll-”

“No,” Ed laughed wetly, shaking his head. “No, I did this to myself. You… Being around you…” Ed laughed again, shaking his head at himself. God, he was such an idiot.

_“You’ll hear no protest from me.”_

Ed swallowed, pushing himself to meet Oswald’s eyes for a burning second before having to look away – scalded. “The thing is, Oswald, I just can’t talk about it.”

“That’s okay.” But from Oswald’s voice, it didn’t sound very okay.

“Feelings are difficult for me, you see,” Ed explained rapidly, suddenly all too aware of his hands, choosing to use them to straighten Oswald’s tie-pin. “N-not very logical, really.” God, none of this would be making any sense. Even _he_ didn’t understand what he was saying.

“And what are your feelings?” Oswald asked like he had all the time in the world to actually care.

“I feel…” Ed choked on his breath, “I feel…” He fisted his hand in Oswald’s tie, trying to ground himself in the tangible world where a man like that could exist. “I feel like I’ve done something terribly, terribly wrong.”

“What do you mean?” Ed looked up at him, chewing his lip like a last meal. Oswald had betrayed him mercilessly and yet here he was, holding him together so he wouldn’t split at the seams. How was that fair? “Edward?”

“Forget it, it’s stupid.” 

“You’re not stupid, Ed,” Oswald assured him, running his hand through the hair at the back of Ed’s head in a pleasant way.

_“I’d have to disa–”_

Ed shut his eyes tight and tipped himself forward in Oswald’s grasp, pressing their lips together desperately, that hand still gripping his tie to keep him close. Oswald let out a surprised squeak, not quite responding until the last moment, keeping Ed from pulling away with a hand along his jaw. Ed breathed through his nose and dived in deep, losing sight of everything except the taste of Oswald’s tongue, the scent of his cologne and the feeling of his warm body so close to his own.

“What was that for?” Oswald asked, at last pulling back.

“I just–” Ed ground his teeth, “Wanted it to _shut up_.”

Oswald frowned. “Did it work?”

Ed thought for a moment. “It did, in fact.”

“Huh,” Oswald took a small step back, letting Ed meet his eye. “Is that why you’ve been a little..?”

Ed shrugged, clenched his teeth. “Perhaps.”

They were locked in silence for a moment until, to Ed’s despair, a slow grin appeared on Oswald’s face. “Stop it.” Oswald kept smiling. “Stop it!” He insisted, poking Oswald’s shoulder.

Oswald let out a laugh, brushing his hand away. “I shall do no such thing.” Ed pouted, not sure how he felt about being teased in such a sweet manner. “Perhaps, I could do something else for you.” Oswald offered with a smirk.

“Oh, _really?_” Ed sneered. “What do you have in mind?”

Oswald shrugged innocently. “Oh, I don’t know. Perhaps a little self-indulgence. I think it would do you good to let out some of that frustration you’re having.”

“Oh.” Ed almost swallowed his tongue, looking down at Oswald with that smirk and that well-fitting suit that certainly hadn’t gone unnoticed. He smiled, reaching up to loosen his tie. “Should I lock the door?”

“No, uh, not that, Ed.” Oswald shook his head with a grin. “Although you do flatter me with the offer.”

“Oh. Right.” Ed felt his cheeks heating, distant laughter echoing in his ears.

_“Wishful thinking much?”_

“I just meant that our appointment with Mr. Bates is scheduled for today,” Oswald informed him smugly, adjusting the sit of his cuffs.

_Oh._ Ed smiled, suddenly breathless. “That’s today? I’d forgotten.”

“Yes,” Oswald smirked, “And I thought you might still want to join me.”

“Yes, indeed, I do,” Ed rushed out.

“Good,” Oswald chuckled. “Revenge is a dessert that tastes the sweetest when eaten with two spoons.”

Ed gulped, not replying. He didn’t want to think about revenge right now for some reason, or betrayals or diamonds or the lot of it. Maybe Oswald was right about one thing; some self-indulgence would do him some good. He could allow himself that. For old times’ sakes. Yes, a little nostalgia before the end.

“Take my hand?” Ed looked down at the outstretched palm, hesitating only a moment before moving to interlace their fingers together. 

“To the basement, we go.” Oswald led him outside, the planes of his mind silent except for two watchful eyes reading for when the story would end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the comments and kudos! They really mean a lot to me and keep me motivated to continue posting and writing and stuff :) Even when I'm not posting, I'm still writing, trying to make my way through my WIPs, the ones I've shown you and the ones I've kept in my pocket. Thank you all for being patient with me when it's like that. And for coming back everytime I'm ready to post again! Also, clearly headaches and this chapter made me emotional. Haha. Have an excellent weekend, my friends.


	6. Some People Will Stab You in the Back and then Ask You Why You’re Bleeding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> K̴̙̗̺ņ̷̗̰̔̌̎͘͝ͅo̶͙͐̉͒͌̈w̶̢͕̻̤͊̀̎̊͜͝

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second to last chapter, then the epilogue! We're slowly coming to the end. Thank you everyone who's been reading this and commenting/kudosing. You are all so precious to me, thank you so much. I really loved writing this chapter in particular, and I suppose some of my regular readers will understand why. I hope you all enjoy reading this one. Thank you all so much <3

The great thing about having a basement beneath a mansion in the middle of nowhere is that no one can hear the screams. And that was certainly being proven useful by one Mr. Bates who had chosen the loud-and-proud route for today, voice bouncing off the basement’s metal walls to reach Ed’s ears over and over again like a delicious symphony.

And Ed? Well, Ed was beside himself.

He’d spent the first half joining in, his shoulder brushing Oswald’s as they inflicted pain as a team, watching the nonsense of the world melt away into the slick blood that coated his fingers. But now? Now he just wanted to watch, sitting on the countertop with his back against the wall, smiling to himself as he observed the theatrical destruction.

They hadn't done this in a while. Ed had forgotten the way it made the air around Oswald glow, static energy bursting through the room like bolts of lightning. It made Ed curious to know what his touch would feel like; the hand embedded in Bates’ stomach moving to caress Ed's cheek instead. Ed would probably burst into flames from that alone. And if they kissed? Well, that would be no less tortuous than the knife embedded in Bates’ thigh.

Ed’s thoughts were cut off by his phone vibrating violently in his pocket, an insistent call to his attention. He twisted his lips, looking between Oswald’s artfully painted silhouette and the buzzing phone. Hesitantly, he checked the caller ID: Barbara. Of course.

Ed bit his tongue. He should answer it. He really should. But Oswald was still going, and Ed couldn’t bear to leave the room and miss all the fun, not now he could feel the climax coming. Maybe… maybe he’d just miss this one. Just this once.

Oswald looked back over his shoulder, the low light reflecting off the blood splatters adorning his face, making his eyes glitter and shine.

Ed smiled at him and declined the call, taking a moment to put it on silent before sliding it back into his pocket.

“Having fun, there?”

“You have no idea,” Ed replied smoothly, finding it easy to smile with Oswald looking at him like that.

“I'm about to finish up. Care to join me?” Oswald had removed his suit jacket, tie and waistcoat at some point and now he stood with his chest heaving through his blood-spattered dress shirt. Ed wondered if the blood had soaked all the way through; painted his skin like a minimalist’s canvas; created lines and shapes for Ed to explore in detail, perhaps worship with his lips. “...Ed?”

“Uhh, yeah, I'll join you.” Ed licked his lips and hopped down from the counter. 

“Good.” Oswald turned.

“You know–” Ed caught his hand and swallowed his tongue, “You look pretty good with blood on your face.”

Oswald grinned at him, taking a step back. “I know.”

_Goddammit_. Now Ed _had_ to kiss him.

“You're a bastard, you know that?” Ed mumbled against his mouth, feeling like he was slipping into something dangerous, walking across cracked ice in Springtime. 

“Shut up and take your shirt off.”

?¿?¿?

He shouldn't have let it happen. 

_Lips on his jaw, throat, shoulder._

It wasn't part of the plan.

_“Get on the bed,” Oswald whispered and Ed fell down, down, down. _

None of this was part of the plan.

_“Turn over.” Ed buried his face in pillows – insides dissolving as Oswald kissed him **there**, held him **there**, put his fingers **there**._

“Edward?”

_–cannot deny love?_

“Yep?” Ed replied quickly, eager to break away from his hook-line-sinker thoughts.

“Are you okay?” 

He looked around at the crumpled bed sheets and tried to remember how he got here. “Yeah, I’m okay.” Ed thought he heard rain outside, but when he glanced out through the window, it was dry as a bone.

“I’m going to have a shower,” Oswald told him, walking over to place a kiss on the crown of his head, tingles falling down Ed’s spine like snowflakes. “I’ll see you downstairs in a bit, okay?”

Edward blinked. Oswald looked so beautiful with his hair fluffy and tousled, a serene smile on his face. “Okay.”

Oswald left the room, glancing back at him in the doorway before shutting the door.

_“Huh.” _Came a voice to his left. Ed glanced to see the apparition sat next to him, playing with a piece of copper – a penny. He wished he could say he was surprised. _“Do you think he likes us?”_

Ed looked back at the door, thinking back on that last glowy look Oswald had left him; like he wanted to keep the image of Ed in his bed stained in his mind forever. “Perhaps.”

_“Weird.”_ The spectre laid back, arms folded against its chest, penny rotating in its fingers. _“I don’t really like us. Or at least not the **you** part of it all.”_

“Agreed,” Ed stated, looking him up and down.

_“Don’t get me wrong, Eddie. I don’t absolutely hate you. It’s just so frustrating when you refuse to listen to me all the time.” _ The spectre’s arms lifted to paint figure eights on the ceiling, penny glinting.

“You say that as if you care.”

_“You say that as if you don’t,_” it countered. Ed watched the thing smile and wondered where it came from. _“What are you really thinking about, Eddie?”_

“Oswald,” Ed admitted. “I don’t understand him. If he really cared about me, why did he do it?”

_“I don’t know, Eddie.”_ It sighed. _“I mean, I have theories, we both do. You remember officer Dougherty, don’t you?”_

“Of course.”

_“Well, there you go. You wanted to kill him as soon as you saw them together. You just waited until you could tell yourself it was okay.”_ It shrugged._ “Still, I don’t know for sure.”_

“I don’t know either.” Ed shifted on the bed, settling flat on his back with his neck crooked toward the apparition.

_“Well, maybe you can ask him?”_ It suggested.

“Hmm, maybe,” Ed agreed, turning his head to look up at the ceiling. “When the time is right. I should like to stop wondering. Still, it’s rather–” he turned to address the other but found the bed empty beside him and the figure gone. “Huh.”

Chalk one up for listening?

Ed sighed and pushed himself to sit up and get out of bed, meandering over to his clothes. He searched through the pockets to find his phone. He flipped it open. Oh dear. Seven missed calls.

Oops?

The phone suddenly started ringing in his hands, the small screen flashing. With a sigh and a glance to the still closed door, Ed accepted the call.

“Barbara?”

“About _goddamn time_, beanpole.” Barbara’s harsh screech rattled the receiver. “I thought the bird-brain had you tied up in his basement, making you spill out about me and Tabby and the rest of it.”

Ed rolled his eyes. “It’s nice to hear your voice too, Barbara. Pleasant weather we’re having, isn’t it?”

“Cut the crap, Nygma,” Barbara spat. “You’ve missed all of my calls. Where the hell were you?”

“I had my phone on silent,” Ed told her.

“Well, don’t you dare put _me_ on silent again.”

Ed sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He didn’t really _appreciate_ Barbara’s snotty little voice coming in to pierce the comfortable bubble he’d ensconced himself in only a minute ago. “Why are you calling, Barbara? It’s been less than 24 hours. Tabitha saw me last night for God’s sake.”

“Eddie, I’m _sorry_, but if Oswald found out your real motivation for stealing that Florence diamond-”

“Fiona diamond.”

“_**Whatever!**_ If he knew the real reason you stole it, he’d torture you to get to us. Then he’d know I was the one who told you and he’d come after _me_.” Barbara sighed. “Don’t you _see?_”

Ed pursed his lips. “Yes, I do see.” Quite clearly, in fact. “I can be gathered or I can be lost; the longer the wait, the bigger my cost. What am I?”

“I don’t have time for-”

“Patience, Barbara. Have some,” Ed snapped. “This will all be over with soon enough.”

“And when will that be?” Barbara asked.

“When I’m ready,” Ed answered. “Goodday, Barbara. I have things to do.”

“Yes,” Barbara spat, “Good fucking–”

Ed rolled his eyes and hung up before she could finish.

He decided to push the conversation from his mind, dressing in his slightly crumpled clothes and heading downstairs to Oswald’s office.

“You okay there, Ed?” Oswald asked with a smile upon seeing him.

“Absolutely.”

“Good,” Oswald stepped out from behind his desk. “We still have time to discuss the profits of the South Bay dock workers. Now, if you look here…”

As Oswald handed him the papers, voice washing over him like high-grade gasoline, Ed struggled to find where the truth began and where it, somehow, came to an end.

?¿?¿?

_It’s raining…_

The edges didn’t exist.

_It’s pouring…_

He could just tip-off.

_Edward is boring._

Too much laughter for his liking.

_I’m laughing…_

Hollow echoes… it was… confusing.

_I’m crying…_

Was he?

_Oswald is DYING_

“Oh. What are you doing here?”

The ceiling was blurry and the sheets were made of dust. Ed didn’t know when he’d sat up or what time it was. The clock on the nightstand had no hands, no numbers, just a face.

“Oh, of course. You’re dreaming.”

“Am I?” Ed asked, voice muddied and thick. His hands were disembodied limbs he couldn’t quite see. “Are you sure?”

“Of course.” Ed turned to see the spectre standing by the window. Someone must have altered it somehow, the hole more gaping, the glass too thick to see the stars through. “Why else would you be here?”

“What are you doing here, then?” Ed’s tongue moved on its own accord. “I-I don’t remember inviting you.”

“Like I need an invitation,” it scoffed. The figure shifted slightly, turning its face towards him and Ed saw that its features had morphed slightly, like candle-wax melted overnight. 

“Go on,” Ed prompted. It glared at him. “What, no rhyming?”

Its hands shook as it stepped away from the window and turned to Ed.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, looking the figure up and down.

“What do you care?” It spat, crossing its arms over its stomach.

“You’re right,” Ed turned to look at the ceiling instead. The paint ran like water. “I don’t.”

“Well, if you’re here, could you make yourself useful?” It asked. Ed couldn’t understand its tone. “Could you wake him up?”

“Who?” Ed looked to his right and saw Oswald laying there, shrouded by the dark. “Oh.”

The spectre wavered on its feet as if it wasn’t sure whether it could step forward or not.

“Can I even wake him up?” Ed asked. “Would it work?”

“Well, not in the real world, but who cares about that, right?”

Ed frowned but placed his hand on Oswald’s shoulder anyway, lightly shaking him awake. “Oswald?”

“Mmm, no, Ed,” he mumbled, turning to bury his shadows alongside Ed’s, face resting by Ed’s thigh.

“Interesting.” The spectre walked forward, crawling onto the bed to sit by Ed’s feet. “He really likes you, you know?”

“As you’ve said.” Ed eyed the thing, sitting up straighter in bed. The darkness didn’t seem to affect the figure, its features unmasked and brightened by some invisible light.

“I can see why you like him,” it said, reaching forward to brush away the ink-swirls of Oswald’s hair from his unseen face. Ed wanted to snatch its hand away, but he didn’t.

“How do you know I like him?” Ed asked.

“Because I wouldn’t be here unless you liked him, Eddie.” It sighed, looking at him like it knew something he didn’t. “Besides, it isn’t betrayal unless you already trust the person, is it?”

That was quite true.

Lightning struck outside and Ed turned his head to see a crow bashing against the window, trying desperately to get in and out of the rain. To no avail.

“I’ll be going soon.” 

Ed slowly turned to watch the spectre once more. Chasms ran down its face like teardrops. “Going where?”

“Back where I belong.” Ed frowned and the room swayed. “But don’t you worry, Ed. Everything will be fine with you. You won’t feel a thing.”

“Where do you belong?”

“Oh, Eddie, you always were thick.” The voice sounded fond. “I’m a puzzle piece, Ed. You lost me down the back of the chair and kept me away from the other pieces for a while. But hey, now you found me.” Something that could have been a smile crossed its worn-out features. “You’ll be a little bit more complete with me soon enough. You just have to find where I fit.”

Ed swallowed. “Where do you fit?”

The figure shook its head, looking at Oswald instead. “He’s amazing isn’t he?”

Ed said nothing.

“His smile is endlessly fascinating. And his touch, well, I can only imagine what that is like.” Ed looked at its sunken eyes and frail hands. The figure didn’t look like himself at all anymore. “What’s it like?” it asked, glancing at him, “When he touches you?

Ed thought for a moment, keeping its peculiar gaze. “Like heaven turned into a bird that decided to land on your shoulder and sing.” 

“Yes.” The spectre nodded. “Yes, that sounds like him to me.”

Ed shook his head at the thing and the water around them surged like waves. “What do you want me to do?”

“I don’t know,” It shrugged before its shoulders sagged sadly.

“What _should_ I do?”

“I don’t know that either.” The rain pelted outside. The figure craned its neck to check the window. “I best be going. There’s something I have to do and the storm’s almost over.”

Ed nodded. “Okay.”

The spectre stood and walked to the door. The wooden floor creaked and cracked, wooden hands shooting through the holes to clasp the figure's ankles. It walked forward, unphased. It must be used to it.

Ed looked back at Oswald beside him. From the light from the window, he could see his faint smile, the hook of Oswald’s nose stark against his face.

“Maybe–” Ed glanced up to see the spectre waiting in the doorway. The rain poured outside. “Maybe you should give him a second chance?”

“Why?” Ed looked down at Oswald’s peaceful face, imagining storms behind his eyes. “No one ever gave me one.”

“Exactly.”

_Oh_. Exactly.

“Oh dear.” Ed glanced up and watched in detached fascination as the figure’s hand fell off, something bright and coppery pouring from its sleeve, clinking on the wooden floors.

“What are those?” He asked.

“Pennies.”

The pennies pelted the floor, ringing louder and louder, ringing, ringing, ringing. _Ringing ringing ring_.

Ed opened his eyes to bright lights and sheer noise. Sitting up, he peered out the once again small window to see the sun up and shining through the trees. It must have been the middle of the day. Ed had overslept.

To his right, the bed was understandably empty, covers pulled up and flattened. The ringing was still there from his dream, copper pennies littering the floor – but no, it wasn’t that, it was his phone on the nightstand, screeching loud as anything. Ed hastily picked it up.

“Ed, finally!” Barbara gasped.

“Yes, what is it?” Ed sighed, suddenly tired again.

“The GCPD found the fake diamond – nice job carving a _question-mark_ by the way – and they’re starting an investigation. Now I suggest you move to the next part of your plan and dub Oswald in before this thing goes to press and the GCPD realize the truth.”

“Yeah, yeah, Barbara.” But Ed wasn’t listening, he was too busy staring at the piece of paper that had been left beneath his phone, a handwritten message scrawled with black ink by another’s hand.

_Good morning, darling._

_You’ve been under so much stress lately that I decided to let you sleep in._

_I will be in my office if you need me, please relax and take your time._

_Love, Oswald._

Ed smiled: Heaven had landed on his shoulder.

_“You asked me what I want, Ed. I know you want the same thing...”_ The penny threw itself up into the air. _“Him.”_

And the penny... _dropped_.

“Goddamnit, Ed, are you listening to me?” Barbara screeched in his ear.

“I’m sorry, Barbara.” He smiled. “The deal is off.”

_One cannot deny **love**._

“What?” Barbara snapped.

“I said the deal is off. I’m done.” Ed plucked Oswald’s note from the nightstand, ran his fingers over the words.

Silence rang through the receiver. The sun outside shone.

“...And here I thought you were a genius.” Barbara drawled, her tone bitterly dark, black coffee in her throat.

“What do you mean?” A cloud floated over the sun.

“You want to continue playing happy families and pretending that everything’s fine? That’s okay with me. But don’t you think I’m going to keep my mouth shut. I want him gone and I’m perfectly happy to get rid of you too in order to do it.”

Ed pursed his lips._ A, B, C, D, Oswald Cobblepot loves me. _“So be it.”

“Just you wait, Ed Nygma. You’ll be seeing the orange flames of Hell soon enough.”

Ed smiled. “I look forward to it.”

“I mean it, Edward. If you won’t destroy Oswald Cobblepot, then **I’m going to do it myse–**”

Ed hanged up, cutting off her screeching voice. How he’d ever thought working with her would be worth his revenge, he didn’t know. Still, he had to warn Oswald. 

And that meant telling the truth.

“I best be going.” Ed sighed, glancing out the window. “There’s something I have to do and the storm’s almost over.”

Ed stood and dressed, slipping the note into his breast pocket, over his heart. Something had changed within him – like he’d regained a part of himself he’d thought lost. Now all of the pieces were slotted into place. He could make this picture complete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh damn. Well, not too long a wait until we find out where this goes. Thank you everyone for reading. As always, any and all comments/kudos are greatly appreciated. Thank you everyone <3


	7. I Don't Want to Keep Secrets Just to Keep You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> T̸̝͛h̵̙͝e̷̦͊ ̸̠̊T̸̮̑ȓ̶̗û̸̖t̶̲̂h̴̹̚

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. That final chapter. There's still an epilogue coming, but this is the real resolution to it all. I really, really hope you guys enjoyed this. I wanted a happy ending to this story, that was always important to me, and I think I created it. I wrote a lot of this fic while I was in a dark place, and having y'all commenting and giving it love and attention has really been helpful and I'm so grateful. You all are amazing. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this.

“Oswald?”

“Ah, Ed, there you are.” Oswald’s smile held all the rosiness of a Summer morning. Ed wanted to sink into it or tie it like a ribbon around his wrist – anything to delay what he was about to do. “Come in.”

Ed stepped inside quickly, closing the door behind him.

“I hope you don’t mind I decided to let you sleep.” 

“No, it’s fine, Oswald.” Ed’s hands were already shaking, his breath rattling in the cage of his ribs.

“You just looked so cute lying there with the sheets pulled up.” Oswald cleared his throat and Ed swallowed sand. “Anyway, I figure we can get you some breakfast, or lunch rather, then head into city hall.” Oswald was smiling, sitting in a rose garden and forgetting about the thorns. “I could ask Olga to cook us something. Is there anything in particular you’d like? Or would you rather we go out to one of your restaurants?”

“Whatever you want,” Ed replied hoarsely.

“No, Ed, we have a lot of separate work today and I want to make the moments we have together count,” Oswald told him, honest and sweet. “You’ve been under so much stress lately and I want to make you happy, if it’ll help you. We can do anything you want. You know I care for you and you are my prio-”

“I’ve been lying to you.” Ed shut his mouth tight and tried to ignore the stinging in his eyes.

Oswald’s eyes changed from Summer to Winter. “Lying about what?”

He must have known, to believe him so quickly. He knew that something was going on, he knew it, oh _God_.

Oswald stood, walking out from behind his desk to lean against the front of it. Just yesterday, Ed had been hiding beneath it, his heart in his throat. “Lying about _what_, Ed?”

The cliff faces of Ed’s shoulders collapsed, landslides running down his arms, mountains crumbling and rumbling as he was decimated. His head hung low, his hands catching himself before he hit the ground. “Oh, God, Oswald. I’m so sorry.”

Somehow, someway, Ed explained it. All of it. Diamonds and phone calls, Barbara and Isabella, the suffocation and the torture. He had to fight to keep standing, not to fall to the floor like a damsel in some dramatic soap opera. God, what an idiot he’d made of himself.

Oswald remained silent, his body so _still, _leaning there, his gaze lowered like he couldn’t bear to look Ed in the eye. He shook his head just slightly as Ed told him how that voice had teased and provoked him until the penny finally dropped and Ed had realized the truth.

“I-I love you, Oswald.”

Snow fell from the office ceiling and Oswald remained silent. Ed’s rubble and stone frosted over and he shivered.

“Oswald?”

December wind howled through the room and Ed could see his breath.

“Say something?”

Oswald’s hands shook like he felt the cold too.

“Please?”

Oswald chuckled bitterly, shaking his head. “What can I say, Ed?” The roots of his leafless trees suddenly twisted – gnarled, knotted and black. “You’ve made a mess of my heart and God knows I deserve it.”

Ed flinched. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry when you got what you wanted.”

“I _didn’t_, that’s not–”

“God, I can’t believe I even _thought_ you loved me.” Oswald spat, pushing his fingers into his eyes like he wanted to scrape away Ed’s image forever. “I should’ve known after what I did–”

“I do love you,” Ed told him, wishing he had the strength to say it louder, to scream and yell and do one of those horrendous romantic gestures from those crappy five-dollar-bin movies. “Do you see? That’s why what you did hurt me; because I loved you and you betrayed me.” 

“I see.” He still wouldn’t look at him and it was driving Ed insane.

“What would you have done? If you were me?” he asked, wanting to grab him by the chin and force his eyes up, but never daring to.

“I would have slit my throat. Not played mind games like this one, _Ed_,” Oswald ground out. Icicles formed on the roof, quivering slightly.

Ed shook his head. “I couldn’t kill you, Oswald. I could never let myself.” No, no Ed couldn’t. His brain had created a whole nother person just to stop him. “S-so, I lied to you and myself, and delayed the inevitable which was me realizing that Isabella meant _nothing _compared to you.” 

Oswald nodded, eyes still looking everywhere else. “Yes, well. That’s ever so comforting to hear, Ed,” He laughed hollowly, “But I still need time to… process.”

“Not too much time, I hope,” Ed laughed nervously, twisting the roots of his fingers together. 

“Why?” Finally, his gaze, crystal and cool like a frozen lake.

“I may have told Barbara that our deal was off, and she may have told me that she was planning on killing us both now,” Ed spilled.

“Holy _shit_, Edward.”

“I know, I know.” Ed rubbed the back of his neck, biting his lip. “I wasn’t exactly in my right mind, okay.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Oswald grumbled, rubbing his temples. “Okay, we just… we have to remain rational about this, yeah?”

“Yes,” Ed gulped.

“We can sort this out. Just…” Oswald sighed, shook his head, “Just do as I say.”

?¿?¿?

Oswald had 20 officers fully on his payroll, and a few others doing odd jobs. One of them had been a guard that night. All 20 agreed to change the witness statements from “Tall thin guy” to “Tall bulky guy” within the space of a phone call.

“Okay, that part is sorted,” Oswald reported from across the room. Ed felt the distance like a chasm. “And we’ve got Gabe working on the IDs. Now, we just have to wait for the knock on our door.”

Said knock came at precisely 3:42 pm, Jim Gordon wearing his darkest bags beneath his eyes and most put-upon smile. He didn’t bother with a greeting coming in, just let Oswald and Ed lead him to the dining room where several nights ago Ed had watched Oswald feast and their feet had brushed together while they flirted.

“So, I’m here to take your official statements for what you two were doing on the 17th between 11 pm and 1 am,” Jim looked at them, “Two nights ago.”

“Oh, I remember that quite clearly, Detective,” Oswald told him with a smirk. “Ed and I went to dinner that night.”

Jim nodded, writing it down.

“I remember because later on, I heard the rather sad news of one Arnold Sturgess passing away. He was an important figure at city hall. Had a dreadful accident, I’m afraid.”

Jim frowned but continued to write nonetheless.

“I must tell you, Ed and I did go home early that night.”

“Oh?” Jim looked up, glancing between them.

“Yes,” Oswald stated. “We had sex.”

“O-oh.” Jim sputtered, dropping his pencil with a grave look on his face. “Well, I, uh, ahem–”

“You can ask Olga if you like. I’m sure she heard enough to give you a full report.”

“No, no, no, that won’t be necessary,” Jim replied hastily, already standing up. “Well, if you don’t mind, I best be getting back,” Jim hastily shoved his notepad into his breast pocket. “We have other witnesses and leads to follow up so I’ll bid you a good day.” 

“Yes, good day, detective,” Oswald dismissed him. Jim made to leave the room but turned back at the last minute.

“Before I go, there was a question mark carved on the replacement diamond. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that would you?”

Ed could _feel_ Oswald’s anguish and frustration crawling up his skin.

“It seems to me like someone wanted you to blame me,” Ed stated coolly. “Besides, that night Oswald and I were–” Ed shot Oswald his best salacious look, ignoring the lump of copper in his stomach, “–Very busy.”

“Okay, yes, well, I’ll, uh, I’ll make sure to put that in the report, a-and be sure to–to...” Jim trailed off. “Goodbye.”

“Bye, detective.” Oswald and Ed watched as Jim turned and fled.

“Well, that was amusing,” Ed surmised.

“I wish I’d had a camera with the look on his face,” Oswald snorted, shaking his head. Ed twitched a smile, wanting to laugh. He wasn’t sure he was allowed to anymore. The sunlight dwindled.

“So,” Ed cleared his throat, “What’s next?”

“We need to make it clear that Butch and Tabitha’s intentions were to steal the diamond for Barbara, and they framed you in order to get away with it.” Oswald leaned forward. “Which means we have to plant it.”

?¿?¿?

“Barbara, I have to talk to you.” This was insane. There was an 80 percent chance that he would be killed and an even bigger chance that Oswald would fail entirely and end up strung up in some warehouse with his guts… Ed refused to finish that thought.

“Really, Nygma? Crawling back to me so soon?” Barbara sneered, placing a hand on her hip.

Ed mentally sighed, just waiting for when this idiotic venture was over. “Barbara, please, hear me out.”

Heels clicked across the enamel floors, followed by the Italian plod of expensive shoes wasted on a dimwit’s feet. “Wow. What’s the zucchini doing here?”

“Yeah, what’s he doing here?” Butch agreed.

“Listen, I just want to talk.” Ed raised his hands, carefully lowering his chin. “I know you said that with or without the deal, Oswald is done for, but I can’t let that happen, I can’t.”

“Even after what he did to your precious Isabella?” Barbara spat, looking him up and down. “God, Ed, do you have no integrity? Can you not stand up for yourself at _all?_”

Apparently not.

“Oswald is the closest thing I’ve ever had to a real friend. I can’t just let you kill him.” Ed let his chin wobble as he sniffed loudly. “You have no idea what he means to me.”

“I have an idea,” Butch piped up.

“Oh, shut up,” Tabitha snapped.

“Yeah, shut up.” Barbara turned to him, her blond curls bobbing. “Now listen here, sweetie. You must think I’m thicker than Butch’s metal hand if you really believe I’m going to let that slimy little twerp go.”

Ed forced a sob from his throat, hanging his head dramatically. “Please, Barbara. You don’t need to get rid of him to rule Gotham. Just… let me take him away. We could go South, get a cottage together.” Ed sniffed, looking up at her. “We’d leave you alone, I swear.”

“As if dear little Oswald Cobblepot would ever leave this city,” Barbara sneered. “He doesn’t give up, our Ozzie. He wins or he dies.”

“It’s true,” Butch agreed. “A real second-hand man would know that.”

“What, are you in love with him too?” Tabitha accused.

“What? No! Shut up.”

“Even if he doesn’t come with me, you don’t need to kill him,” Ed pleaded. “He’s useful in other ways! And he listens to me, you know. If you promised it meant his safety, I’d happily convince him to do whatever you wanted. He’d do it, I swear. You have to believe me. Please, please, just give me a chance to prove it.” Ed clasped his hands together, hoping it wasn’t taken as overkill.

“Look, Ed, I don’t know how Oswald hasn’t worked out you’re lying to him yet, but he’s bound to get suspicious eventually. And then we’d have to kill him anyway. So really, honey–” Barbara stepped forward, bending forward to pet Ed’s hair as if he were a dog at her feet. “–You’re just delaying the inevitable.”

Ed clenched his teeth, resisting the urge to reach up and snap her wrist. “Please, Barbara, just give me a chance, please, I’d do anything.”

Barbara sighed, pulling away, her hand returning to her side. “Yawn, Ed,” she yawned exaggeratedly, “You’re boring me.”

“Please, Barbara I–”

“God, would you stop?” Barbara rolled her eyes, placing her hand on her hip. “You’re so pathetic, begging for Oswald like you really care about him or whatever.” She laughed loudly. “Honestly, Ed, you must be so desperate coming here.” 

Ed thought about Oswald in the office – whether he’d gotten in and out okay – about the diamond – about the promises – about the lies. “More than you know, Barbara.”

“Well, I’ve had enough. You’re of no use to me even as a court jester in this state,” she sighed. “You can go, now.”

“W-what?” Ed stuttered, feeling Butch step forward behind him.

“See ya,” Tabitha smirked.

“What are you going to do with me?” Ed asked as Butch’s meaty fingers pulled him up and forced him on his feet. “Are you going to hurt me?”

“Why would I need to?” Barbara shrugged. “Oswald’s going to do that for me.”

“You mean–”

“I’m going to tell him the truth about your little charade?” Barbara grinned. “Ah, yeah. I am.”

Ed pulled up his most downcast frown, staring at the floor.

“Hang on–” Butch interrupted. “That’s not fair, why can’t we rough him up a bit?”

“Yeah, after what he did to me, he deserves to _pay_,” Tabitha spat, gesturing to her wrist emphatically.

“Fine, fine,” Barbara sighed, rolling her eyes. “You can get a few punches in, but nothing more. I want him conscious for whatever torture Oswald decides to deal him.” She grinned. “And knowing Ozzie, it’s going to be fantastic.”

Ed gulped, turning his head to face Butch just in time to watch his fist come towards him at great speed.

“Oh dear.”

?¿?¿?

Ed dragged himself up the manor steps, head feeling thick like cotton wool. He’d sort of tuned out the pain while Butch and Tabitha had begun punching and kicking him. He wasn’t too sure how much damage had been done, but he could walk, and that was something. Breathing was a little hard though, but no matter. He was almost inside, now.

Ed pushed open the Manor door with a grunt, wondering when it had gotten so heavy, and continued on through the hall, aiming for the sitting room, its comfortable chaise calling. The room would surely be cold and he’d have to ask for the fire to be lit, but it would soon warm his bones and everything would be fine. Just fine.

Ed rounded the corner to find the chaise already occupied, fire roaring in the grate.

“Ed.” Oswald seemed tired, but his face was clear and untouched. The snow in his eyes melted a little and Ed’s chest expanded. “I did it.”

“Oh, thank _God_.” Ed found himself collapsing chest-first into the chaise, gravity taking its toll. He pressed his aching forehead to Oswald’s knee and sighed.

“Edward? Are you alright?” Oswald’s fingers pressed lightly in his hair as if he wasn’t sure if he could touch. “What happened?”

“I don’t feel so good,” Ed admitted, turning his head to cough away from him. Now that he’d seen Oswald was safe, his adrenaline was beginning to ebb and he could finally feel the damage Butch and Tabitha had dealt him. Every breath hurt and his body ached where it pressed against the chaise’s cushions.

“Your face is all swollen.” His hands were pressed to his skull and Oswald was so close Ed could see his breath. “Let me get you a few bags of ice. I’ll have Olga organise for a doctor to come in the morning.”

“That’d be nice,” Ed agreed, trying to smile.

“I’ll get some painkillers too,” Oswald muttered as he stood.

_“No wait, come back,”_ Ed tried to say as Oswald walked away, but something kept his teeth locked like prison bars so the words never escaped.

Oswald returned with a stack of ice packs, a bottle of pills, and two cups of tea on a tray. Ed sighed gratefully, pressing one ice pack to his chest and reaching for a second for his face.

“No, you'll hurt yourself if you do it like that.” Oswald snatched the ice from his grasp, fingertips brushing, before wrapping it in a napkin and handing it back. Ed carefully laid it against his cheek, turning his head to use the back of the chaise for support.

“I'm sorry you got hurt, Ed,” Oswald spoke up after a while. “I didn't want that. Not really.”

“It was a small price to pay,” Ed told him. “It could have been a lot worse.”

“I'm sorry you got hurt, Ed,” Oswald spoke up after a solid minute of silence, his gaze fixated on the coffee table from where he stood next to it. “I didn't want that. Not really.”

“It could have been a lot worse.” Ed reminded him. Barbara could’ve done anything – he’d known that walking in there. All things considered, he was luckier than most.

“Still.” Oswald pushed the painkillers towards him and Ed took them without complaint. Seeming satisfied, Oswald came around the coffee table to sit next to him once more. “Here, drink your tea,” he prompted, placing the steaming cup in his hands purposefully. Ed smiled, letting go of the ice pack to lean in and sniff the beverage. Ginger and honey. He took a sip. It tasted like the first touch of Spring.

_“Ed did you know…” Oswald cleared his throat. “Did you know that the first time I realized I was in love with you, we were on this couch? It was the night after Butch attacked you. I was so... confused. I could not understand the depth of panic I felt when presented with the image of possibly losing you. And then you told me you'd do anything for me. You told me I could always count on you. And it all became quite clear,” Oswald gently placed his hand over Ed's, fingers startlingly warm. “Because I would do the same for you.” Oswald licked his lips, the movement drawing Ed's eyes before he snapped them back up to meet Oswald's earnest gaze. _

_“Anything you want, Edward. I promise you, absolutely anything.”_

Before he could let Oswald reach for his own cup, Ed snatched up his hand, pulled him in and pressed their lips together. Oswald sighed against him, and Ed lifted his other hand to his cheek, resting it there gently, just feeling his skin with his thumb.

Ed was flabbergasted at how he'd ever thought he could live without this. The world had never felt so certain as it did with Oswald. Flawed, but beautiful Oswald. Ed _hated_ what he'd done, wished he could cut that tumorous part of him out, tear it from his flesh and kill it, but it was _nothing _compared to everything else Oswald was. Ed would not deny it: he'd fallen in love with Oswald Cobblepot. And, just as his mother had always said; when you love people, you forgive them anything.

“Ed, what are you doing?” Oswald’s crystalline eyes studied him as he pulled away.

“Forgiving you,” Ed declared, unable to contain his smile even as it pulled at the skin of his swollen cheek. He couldn't help it; he'd spent so long shivering in the dark and at last he stood in the golden light. “I forgive you.”

“You what?” Oswald scowled at him.

Ed blinked. Okay. Perhaps a slight miscalculation. 

“I only meant to say-”

“What do you even want, Ed?” He was still cross, Ed could tell, but he couldn't help but be elated that, even now, Oswald was grounding him to reality, keeping him from floating away. “Ed?”

“You.” Ed almost felt breathless, his ribs aching. “All I want is you.”

“The last time you said that, it was a lie.” Oswald’s jaw was set as he turned the air between them into cement.

“Was it, though?” Ed asked, pushing against the wall. “Or was that just what I told myself until I could acknowledge the truth?” Ed reached out daringly, pushing his fingers through Oswald’s hair. “The truth that I love you.”

“Don't, Ed.” Oswald pulled further away, standing from the chaise. “I can't have you… being like this.”

“Like what?” He was trying to stop smiling, he really was.

“All breathless and smiling like I’m some kind of angel when we both know I’m not,” Oswald snapped. “I am not good or nice or even particularly happy, Ed. So, stop pretending that I am.”

Ed shook his head, still smiling. “I never said that, Oswald.” He licked his lips. “And I’m not pretending.”

“Oh, really?” Oswald crossed his arms like a stroppy school-child and Ed still loved him. “Then why would you say that you forgive me?”

“Because I couldn’t pretend it never happened,” Ed told him, pressing the ice pack to his cheek again as he glanced down at his tea. “What you did really hurt me, Oswald. But, simultaneously, I still love you.”

Oswald’s face curdled like he didn’t believe him and Ed ached at the thought.

He stood, ribs and leg silently protesting. “I want to be with you, Oswald.” He stepped toward him – ignored the pain. “I’ve tried hating you and I couldn’t do it. The only other option is not caring at all and I don’t really believe I could ever manage that. So, _please_,” Ed bit his lip and tried to push the ball of emotion in his chest onto his face and through his eyes for Oswald to see, “We both deserve a second chance.”

“In this business, second chances get you killed,” Oswald pointed out.

Ed shrugged, shoulder twinging. “I’m willing to risk it.”

“Of course you are,” Oswald sighed, rolling his eyes. “I can’t believe you really expect us to be together after all of this.”

“I understand if it takes you some time to–”

“And what about Isabelle?” he cut in. “Won’t she resurrect herself every time we fight?” Oswald flung his arm towards him. “And don’t kid yourself, Ed, I am not some demure little knee-knocker, we’ll argue and argue and it’ll be impossible to be with me.”

Impossibly enchanting.

Ed stood, at a loss for words except; “It’s Isabella.”

“Edward!” he squawked.

“Well, what do you want me to say?” Ed whined. “I can’t guarantee I won’t be a jerk as much as you can apparently guarantee that you will be.” Oswald’s mouth dropped open in affront. “What I _mean _to say is; you’re equally likely to throw my own mistake in my face, but I know for a fact that you won’t.”

“Oh?” Oswald raised an eyebrow, scowling at him. “And how, pray tell, do you know that?”

“Because you let me explain. You know why I did what I did. But I haven’t given you the chance. So please,” Ed nodded at him, making his way back to his spot on the chaise, replacing the ice bags to relieve some of the pain. “You can tell me everything.”

Oswald rolled his eyes again. “You know perfectly well why I did what I did, Edward.”

“No, I don’t, Oswald,” Ed told him, taking a sip of his tea as it was beginning to cool. “I only know Barbara’s twisted version. Not yours.”

Oswald sighed. “I did it because I love you. You know that.”

“Love is the most powerful motivator in the world. It spurs mortals to greatness. Their noblest and bravest acts are done for love,” Ed murmured, “–[Rick Riordan](https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/311073-love-is-the-most-powerful-motivator-in-the-world-it).”

Oswald sighed, rolling his eyes. “I was being selfish, Ed. I wouldn’t share you. And she was so stubborn, she refused to back down.” He shook his head. “And I didn’t think about what it would mean for your happiness, all I cared about was my own. And then I ended up regretting it. You were heartbroken, and I caused it. I never wanted that, but I had hurt you and I couldn’t take it back.”

“So,” Ed looked down at his hands, “You mean to say–”

“I’m sorry, Ed.” He looked up and met Oswald’s eye. The fog around them began to clear. “As long as _you’re _sorry too,” he added, threateningly.

Ed laughed, nodding. “I’m sorry, I swear. I should have realized what I was really feeling.”

Oswald scoffed. “I should want to kill you for what you did.” 

“But you don’t?”

“No,” Oswald rolled his eyes. It was a wonder they stayed in his head. “I don’t.”

“You must be better at this than I am,” Ed wondered. “It was second nature for me to convince myself to hate you forever.”

“You could say that I am the emotionally mature one,” Oswald sniffed.

Ed laughed again, his body straining. “What on _Earth_ does that say about me?”

“Hey,” Oswald stepped towards him, his figure very angry looking between the wavering of Ed’s joyful tears. “Don’t make me cut your throat.”

Ed petered off his giggles, grinning up at him. “I still forgive you, you know. And now I understand.”

“Right,” Oswald nodded awkwardly. “So what now?”

“Well, that’s up to you.” Ed took the ice away from his face, finding it rather numb. “What do you want?”

Oswald stared at the fire like he was having a separate conversation. His shoulders blossomed. The flowers scattered around them. “Do you really think we can make this work?” Oswald turned back to him.

“I don’t know,” Ed admitted. “But it’d be a shame if we didn’t try.”

Oswald smiled. Grass sprang beneath their feet. “We could get away with it, I bet.”

“Get away with it?” Ed questioned, smiling too.

“Of course,” Oswald scoffed, “Oswald Cobblepot and Edward Nygma? No truer crime has ever been committed.”

Ed chuckled. “You’re not wrong there.”

“Well, I know one thing: I’m stronger with you than against you.” Oswald shook his head. “And I certainly won’t let you get the best of me.”

“Of course!” Ed agreed. “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”

“Who knows?” Oswald shrugged, stepping forward casually. “Maybe I could even convince you to stay.”

Ed smiled. “Well, you are pretty convincing.”

“Oh, I know I am.” Oswald sat down on the coffee table, table, placing his hands on Ed’s shoulders. “Just watch me.”

Ed leaned forward and made himself at home in Oswald’s embrace, let their lips collide because he could afford another bruise at this point.

“By the way, Edward,” Oswald broke away, “You’re a terrible liar.”

Ed smiled. “Don’t I know it.”

Oswald kissed him again and he decided it was worth it.

_As it has been said:_  
_Love and a cough_  
_cannot be concealed._  
_Even a small cough._  
_Even a small love._  
_– [Anne Sexton](https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/small-wire/)_  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go. Thank you for reading.


	8. Behind Every Great Talker is a Great Liar (Epilogue)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You Love Him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the epilogue. It's just a quick little thing, but I wanted to write it just to show you what the future looks like for them in this universe. Thank you everyone for reading. I hope you enjoy.

“Hey, Jim, buddy.”

Jim barely glanced up from his file, nodding over at Harvey. “Harv.”

“You busy?”

“I’m finishing up the Fiona Diamond case,” Jim told him. “I want all evidence ready for the trial on Thursday.” It had been a surprisingly cut and dry case, aided briefly by the European Special Task Force. It was a shame to arrest Barbara again, but she had to learn somehow. Hopefully, Arkham would do her better this time. As for the other two, who knows where they’ll end up? Likely Blackgate for Butch, and then a female penitentiary upstate for Tabitha. It was up to Jim to make sure they got the time they deserved, and if that meant working a little harder on the evidence file than usual, then so be it.

“Jim, put that shit down, there are better and more painful things to do,” Harvey hissed.

Jim furrowed his brow, looking up at his partner. “Like _what?_”

“Come with me.” Harvey waved him over.

“Harvey...” Jim groaned, indicating the mess in front of him.

“Trust me, Jim, you have to come see this,” Harvey insisted. “It’s Goddamn history in the making. Horrific history, but history nonetheless.”

Jim frowned, hating himself for being intrigued. “Fine,” he sighed, setting down his papers. To be honest, it would be something of a relief to get away from the paperwork for five minutes. “What do you gotta show me?”

“Come.” Harvey hurriedly directed him through to the captain’s office, directing his gaze towards the makeshift portable TV set up on the shelf.

“What am I looking at?”

“Just watch!” Harvey hushed him.

With a sigh, Jim focused on the image on the screen, reading the words scrolling across at the bottom. 

“Oh.” Jim should have seen this coming ever since that interview at the Manor, but he’d wiped the trauma from his mind apparently, only for it to all come rushing back now.

“Oh? You mean oh _shit_,” Harvey corrected.

“Turn it up, I wanna hear what they’re saying.” Jim waved at him. The volume bar rose at the side of the screen as the newscaster continued to read.

_“Mayor Cobblepot and his Chief of Staff released their statement at four o’clock today declaring their relationship as, quote, ‘more than platonic’. In an exclusive interview, we sat down with Mayor Cobblepot and his beau to get down to the truth on the subject.”_

“Oh, Jesus,” Harvey muttered. Jim could only nod.

_“So, tell me, Mayor Cobbelpot, what is the nature of your relationship with Mr Nygma?”_

The two criminals shared a love-sick smile on-screen and Jim wondered how damaging it would be to wash his eyes out with soap.

_“Well, Miss Jane, I would say that Edward is my one true love.”_

Harvey choked behind him, coughing loudly.

_“Oh, Oswald.”_ Ed smiled, placing his hand atop of his… his… _boyfriend’s?_ knee.

_“You know my mother always said; ‘life only gives you one true love. When you find it, run towards it. So I did.”_

The pair leaned towards each other and Jim had enough common sense to close his eyes before he had to burn them in the disposal unit downstairs.

“Holy Mary and Moses,” Harvey murmured behind him. “Are they even allowed to put that on the news?”

“This is Gotham,” Jim replied, covering his eyes with his hand. “Is it over?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

The interviewer was giggling slightly as she continued. _“So when and how did you two get together? The people of Gotham want to know everything!”_

_“Well, we can’t tell you the whole story. We have to save something for our vows.”_

“Oh, Jesus Christ.”

_“I will tell you that I grew very fond of Edward after our first meeting. And he certainly seemed fond of me.”_

_“I really was.”_ They smiled and Harvey gagged in the background.

_“And when Ed became my Chief of Staff, that fondness grew until, one day, I realized: I’m in love.”_ The Interviewer awwed softly.

“Are you seeing this, Jim?”

“Yep?”

“Okay. I thought it was the Adderall.”

_“Of course, I was so frightened to tell him.”_

_“But I’m so glad you did!” _ Ed interjected._ “And I don’t regret being with you for a moment.”_

_“Not a moment,” _Oswald agreed.

_“Besides,” _Ed shrugged, the shot pulling in closer to his face. _“One cannot deny love.”_

_“Exactly.”_

_“Well, you heard it here, folks. Mayor Cobblepot and Chief of Staff Edward Nygma are in love and destined for happiness. We wish them all the best. Up next, are tigers escaping Gotham zoo to terrorize Gotham citizens? The answer may surprise you.”_

“Well,” Harvey began. The screen went blank with a click. “This spells trouble.”

“With a capital T,” Jim agreed, turning around. “So what now?”

Harvey frowned for a moment as if considering. “I think… lunch.

“Lunch?”

“Yeah.” Harvey nodded. “Lunch.”

Jim nodded too. “Lunch sounds good. I can do lunch.” He stood up, heading out of the office to collect his coat.

He’d leave the criminal love birds of Gotham for another day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that's the actual end. Wow. What a ride. I hope you guys enjoyed it. As always, any and all comments/kudos are greatly appreciated.


End file.
